The End of the Year and What Have I Learned?

What have I learned in 2011?

God

There is a God. There is something bigger than me and it has a unique plan for me. I must be patient and continue to have faith in myself and from time to time in others! :)

March 23, 2011

My step mother Mary died. I miss her so much. I miss our talks and how she would always have the perfect things to say to make me feel better. It's hard to imagine the ones you love have to leave eventually, even though I know everyone dies, somehow you keep believing that loved ones go on forever. Actually they do in our memory. She lived for over 90 years, a few months shy of 91. I think back at all she has seen and accomplished in her lifetime; then look at my life and think, I have a very long way to go!

August 20, 2011

My dog Russell died. He was my heart and I love him dearly to this day until the end of time. Max and Russell came into my life March 22, 1996. Same litter, both reached 90 pounds each. I always had my hands full with them. Russell was the quiet one, the logical one. He was always by my side and Max was on the other. I have tripped over them many times and broken my toe three times trying to avoid stepping on them. Max and I are doing our best to go on without Russell but he will remain in our hearts forever. Max has stopped looking for Russell but I can tell when he's missing him. He will sleep on Russell's side of the bed on the floor.

Friendships

Having same experiences does not a best friend make. In fact, all friendships are unique and should be seen as such, not placing one friendship above another. Each friend contributes something in your life and it's a little silly to name one person the best friend when all friends are apart of your life. There are no best friends, just good ones.

Temping

I know I complain about it but am very grateful to have it. I have met a few good people through the many temp jobs throughout the year. This is why I have so many facebook friends! I will know when the right position comes along, IF it comes along. Until then, I will keep on temping, most importantly keep on writing.


Writing

There are no set amount of rejections before acceptance. You either keep going or you give up. It is not in my DNA to give up. With every rejection I learn something new and I improve or at the very least have a better outlook. Recently my spec script for House was read, and the reader actually enjoyed it. Not only did she get the meaning of the title but she figured out the blood bible reference!

What have I learned? Most of all Patience and Love. I took routine for granted instead of cherishing every routine moment as a single experience, I took for granted that the routine would last forever. Nothing lasts forever.


Happy New Year my THREE readers!!! :)

Things I've learned While Working in the Entertainment Industry

Of course I think of these things while driving so excuse the discombobulation of thought. I've been working in this industry for a long time and of my years I've found these things to be true and remain true to this day:

1. Talent is not needed for success but it helps. It's all about networking and for some of little faith, selling their souls. We have all seen our share of crap hit the big and small screen. How did it get there you ask? A friend/relative of a friend who can make things happen. Do not let this dissuade you from achieving your goals. It will happen you must never give up and you must never use the excuse of "so-and-so is cousins with blah blah so of course they are on staff." While this may be true in some instances, do know that true talent will always have that opportunity. Get out and get to know people. Also be flexible. I've seen many a writer not get staffed because of their preconceived ideas of how a room should be run.

2. Just because people speak to you doesn't mean they're your friend. Choose your friends wisely and always know that everyone has an ulterior motive. In fact, it is much harder to have real friends (people you trust) within the entertainment industry because everyone wants something, everyone. Do not talk about others and do not reveal your most intimate secrets if you are not willing to deal with the consequences. Now, I'm not saying "trust no one" (thank you Chris Carter), what I am saying is be smart when it comes to friends.

3. Young or Old - shortcuts and cheating ALWAYS result in failure. I know some younger folks think that in order to get ahead in this industry you must cut corners and not learn the craft (writing, acting and directing) that their youth and looks guarantee them success. That is absolutely NOT true.

4. It is NOT always best to say what's really on your mind. Not only do you hurt feelings, you hurt your chances. The people you meet today might be the people that come back into your life in a higher position! I may not like a person, but to blast them publicly is just plain stupid. The entertainment industry is unforgiving.

5. Sex, Race, and Size DO have something to do with where you end up. Now, don't take this the wrong way without allowing me to explain. Skinny and white does not equate to intelligent and successful but in this industry it helps. Racism, sexism and ageism is a given everywhere, one MUST be smart about their choices and choose their battles very carefully (did you not read point #4?). Never assume anything. Same sex, same race, same age does not guarantee acceptance. I have experienced more racism from my own race than the stereotypical opposite. I know, I was shocked as well. Always keep that in mind but do NOT allow it to become the excuse for everything.

6. Return the favors that have been bestowed upon you, don't be selfish. I have seen it time and time again where someone takes, takes and takes again only to end up wondering why no one is giving them anything anymore. Be nice to everyone...nice not stupid.

Those six points I find very vital in this industry.

Please feel free to comment or add your own words of wisdom!

The More Things Change...

The more they stay the same for some. Recently I witnessed my own growth. It can be surprising when it happens because you are not expecting it. I was asked the same question but this time I gave a different answer. I gave pause when delivering my answer because at that moment I recognized and embraced the growth and welcomed the change!

The question: "Are you happy?"

My usual answer: I could be if only I...(you can fill in the blank here)

My answer given today: Yes, absolutely!

The person then asked: "Well aren't you still temping and didn't you recently report a nagging toothache on Facebook?"

My response: Sure, I've had a nagging toothache for the past 24 hours but it will subside and the dentist will take care of it when I get insurance. I still have my health and my teeth! I find I am no longer dwelling on what's wrong but embracing what is right. Sure, I'm still temping and proud to have a place to go and get paid for 40 hours a week.

The person was expecting the negative. I no longer live negative, I live moment to moment - I roll with all that comes my way and make the best of it and most importantly LEARN from it.

The person who asked me the question was used to me complaining and therefore join in on my pity party. This time there was no pity only party.

2012 will be another year for me to get it write...literally!

Happy New Year.

Disappointment Comes to Us All...

Well the news finally arrived last night at 7:03, I was not selected for the Fox Writer's program. Last night I guess I was numb to the rejection and even this morning I feel ok yet growing sadder by the minute. What does this mean? It means I still need to temp, I still will be defined by the temp positions I hold, people will think less of me and continue to look down on me and sadly most of all, I don't feel hope right now.

The experience:

I am glad I went for it. I wished I had a strong mentor to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I know I'm a writer but in order to be legit, you've got to be paid as one and well read in this town.

What's next?

I guess I keep writing and I keep temping. I keep playing the role that I am less than everyone else because all I'm good for is answering a phone. It's better than having nothing and I know in my heart it is not what defines me. I just hoped beyond hope. And it's even funnier that I can't even get a permanent job answering phones so I must suck at that too!

Solution...

Never let them get me down and keep writing - there are no other choices.

Merry Christmas!

Why some and Not others

I had a conversation with a former bill collector last night. He had kept my number and we communicated off and on then I didn't hear from him anymore. This guy was awesome. Anyone past due experiences the dreaded bill collector. For the most part they are unfeeling creatures who secretly hate you because you were able to get what they couldn't and now they delight in taking it all away from you!

I'm blessed because I befriended most of my collectors and moved my way out of debt...sort of. Anyway, this guy who was in a similar situation as mine ended up losing his home and then a month later his job. He has been out of work for over a year. To add to his drama, he was diagnosed with severe carpel tunnel and can no longer type! All bill collectors need to be able to type! Luckily he was able to get disability. I told him there are other plans for you!

He was so proud to hear that I am doing better and that he prayed for me! Why him and not me? Through my struggles I have come to understand that things happen for a reason. I went through all that I did to emerge a better person. I look back at the person I used to be and I am ashamed. I told my friend that this is happening to him for a reason and to embrace and learn from it so that you can grow and emerge to be the person God intended you to be. After losing his home, he was able to get into something cheaper and better.

Today, I want everyone to know that prayer works and do not lose the faith. Being down doesn't mean you're out!!

Feeling the need to write something new!

I haven't figured out whether it will be a white paper on crime, a novel or a script but I feel the need to write something new. I also feel the need to learn something new. All I have to do is figure it out!! Have an awesome Monday!

"The only one who likes change is a wet baby." Mark Twain

Embrace change. "A minor adjustment can make a major improvement." -Joel Osteen Be willing to change - change is good, it may not be easy but it is good! - Me :) Finally my life is coming together because I am no longer blinded by hurt, fear and disappointment. I was so caught up in what people have done to me and not focused on what people have done for me. There have been so many instances in my life recently that have forced me to change. No matter how hard I fight it, things that used to work in the past are no longer working. Career - It's on the way. I stopped waiting on others to get their lives in order in order for me to write. The change happened last month when I had no choice but to write my pilot with an extremely tight deadline with no help. I didn't have the luxury of time or another person to bounce ideas off of. That seventeen hour blessing gave me the motivation and the courage to do it on my own. Now I ask God to place the right people on my path to help. Job - Being laid off devastated me. I blamed everyone but myself. I allowed hurt and anger control my life for over five years. As each year passed, things got worse and I couldn't understand why. I thought the way I worked in the past would make things work today. I thought the people I knew were the people I know. Meaning, those in my life then served a purpose at that time. I cannot expect those same people to serve the same purpose. In fact, those same people may hinder my success because of how I used to be and not seeing me how I am now. I have changed and I absolutely LOVE IT. Love - Letting go of what I thought was best for me instead of allowing anyone into my heart, I let no one close to my heart. A month ago I had an awakening. I went on with my day to day and it wasn't until someone pointed it out to me that a guy might be interested. I was doing the same old thing and ignoring what was right in front of me because it wasn't wrapped in the package I was expecting. In my mind I thought of several reasons why HE couldn't be the one for me. I used those excuses and sadly pushed him far away. My eyes are open now and I no longer look at the wrapping but seek out the contents of the package. Friends - Many people are only in our lives for a season. Once that season is over, it's over. Stop expecting things to be the same as when you first met because our lives are not the same and neither are our needs. Many of my former friends will tell you that I am great at letting go and rarely look back. I'm expecting change....today! I am letting go of the old and accepting the new. I recognize when the seasons change. Allow change to happen...today!

The Help, Stereotypes and my Rambling On

Good writers read! I saw the movie "The Help" and usually if the movie is based on a novel I like to read it first then see the movie. This time was different. I put off seeing the movie or reading the book because of what it represents, a time where white folks openly portrayed their hatred (fear) of black people. The book was based in the sixties which wasn't that long ago but the book and the film read as if the time was back when slavery was open and legal. Why I put off reading this book? I am not afraid of anything, especially my past or history. I cringe at the fact people were treated that way based on silly unfounded notions which equate to fear. When I think about the amount of people who lost their lives because of fear (hate) it makes me sick to my stomach. Have things really changed that much? No. Now more excuses can be made for not hiring, loving or liking a person than race. I'm halfway through the book and I continue to compare the maids lives to my own. The difference is all about choice. Back then, the choices were very limited to women of color. Now, there are many but still for very few. I know many very smart black women, myself included who seem to be stuck. While climbing that ladder it seems that independence and confidence have kept us just under the radar, right in the middle of the ladder. We don't want to step down yet we're stuck and somehow have forgotten how to continue to climb up that ladder without losing a sense of self. I try to live my life stereotype-free, and dealing with people on how they treat me as a person. That is not easy to do when everything is defined by sex and race first then if you manage to get your foot in the door the genius is recognized. Race and sex should not be the basis of your decision whether or not to love, hire or befriend a person. I will be glad when I finish this book! I have people of every race who love me for me and that's how it should be. Period.

Keep on writing and keep on reading

Most people know I have a full 40 and writing has not yet surfaced to be my full 40 (that's the goal). I am inspired by Stephen King, like most real writers who suffered one drama after the next bordering on the brink of total failure before they made it to the big time. It has been a ROUGH 4 years and an even ROUGHER year but I'm making it through. So for all those out there with a dream in their heart but feeling like there is no way to make it, before you give up find those in the position where you would like to be and read their stories. Not everyone came from rich and privileged in order to get where they are, nor did they have to be evil and conniving to stay where they are. Never let your dreams die. Use me as an example, I'm still standing and Lord knows I'm still good lookin'! I read and write everyday even if it's my blog post!!!

Conversation with God

Last night I had a conversation with God. Of course he did not answer physically but he did make things a bit clearer for me. Fact, I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time for one reason...experience. This experience will lead to more experiences finally leading toward the ultimate experience (my success). I allow myself to get so angry with setbacks and evil people when I really should look at it a different way. Setbacks are for my purpose (right place, right moment) and the evil people remind me that no one is perfect and I should always keep my guard up (trust no one). Last week I had a great conversation with my friend Candy. I finally realized that all that has happened to me was for my benefit and not my detriment. I have been holding others to impossible standards that I can hardly maintain myself. I've been keeping a closed mind by thinking there is only ONE type of mate for me, as well as only one type of job for me. I will be the first one to admit that I am indeed stubborn but I'm not selfish. For those who have been privy to my heart, although the memory is faint, know that just because I am driven doesn't mean that I'm wicked like so many people I encounter. I've studied and been rewarded for my work on human behavior yet I still haven't figured out why people do what they do, other than they do it just because. Anyway, let's start this week on a good note and I will take my conversation with God last night as a sign of more good to come...always.

Good change...

Really needs to happen soon. Of course because I want it, I have to wait for it even longer. I've realized my mistakes and its time for things to be right.

And the Blessings keep on coming!

It has been a very blessed week. What started out as an "oh no" ended up as a "Thank You God" week. I thanked God for allowing me to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner when I broke a tooth the following Monday. Since my life has taken this turn, I automatically find the good (or the lesson) in everything that happens. It's no secret that I have been caught in the economic down slide. I have learned many things and gained a greater appreciation for everything. I am a different person and by all accounts a better person. Everyday I continue to learn and appreciate everything in my life. So after my tooth broke (which as it turns out, a filling came out). I went to my dentist. They know I have no insurance but because I am upfront and offered to make payments (I'm that way with all creditors and it is truly the best way to be instead of ignoring them), my dentist assessed what had happened to my tooth, told me what to do about it, gave me treatment and didn't charge me a dime! In August, the Monday after Russell died, I had a minor accident in my car. I took it to a body shop and the estimate came back at $500. I told myself that I have a goal and hope to get it fixed by the end of the year. Since then, I have been very involved in my new temp job. In the back of my mind I hoped that I would be able to get it fixed but I knew that it would take a miracle since this temp assignment pays less than my other assignments. I'm grateful to have the work, especially since I've been told by the agency that there is nothing out there! So thankful for working! Anyway, without going into any details...I make a phone call for a friend who happens to work on cars. My call had nothing to do with anything just giving a reference. The next day that friend called me and said, "I saw you driving the other day and noticed the dent in your car, let me fix it." I told him that things are super tight but I could make payments. He said, "This is my gift for you for the phone call you made for me." Needless to say I was shocked beyond belief! The following day he came to my job picked up my car and fixed it! So many blessings happen for me everyday. And everyday I am grateful and thank God. Lesson from this post...be grateful always, no matter what.

It shouldnt be this hard to stay positive

But it is a struggle everyday! One of the people I'm temping for made me realize that no one really cares about your struggles and she tells me that I shouldn't play into the pity party role. Moi? Pity Party? I'm living reality from day to day. No one wants to hear it. I guess when I pass out at my desk because I haven't eaten, then maybe someone will care? No. Not here. They would take my wallet and leave me for the cleaning crew!

I am struggling trying to keep a roof over my head. My pride and ego died over a year ago with very little hope of a resurrection.

My poor dog Max is doing his best to stay alive. Since his brother Russell died in August, he's gone downhill a little bit. I think his hearing is going a little.

Yesterday, I broke another tooth! I have no insurance and zero money, yet I guess I will figure out how to make it work. I always do.

I'm supposed to attend a party on Friday. It's a great occasion, a baby shower. Here's the thing, the person who ruined my life will be there. Should I:

- Turn the other cheek?
- Beat the crap out of here and run for the hills?
- Confront her and tell what I really think?
- Let it go?
- Run her over with my car (it's a Toyota, I better not)?
- Not go to the celebration?
- Beat the crap out of her?

So many choices, yet beat the crap out of her is the only one that makes me feel better.

What would Jesus do? Beat the crap out of her!!!!

Thanking and Thinking...Success

I am thankful every moment of my life, good or bad. Taking one day out of the year to be "Thankful" seems selfish. It's this time of the year where I hear from family that I hadn't heard from since last year. This is the time of year where people whom I don't really consider friends try to connect with me to make themselves feel better and lastly, it's this time of the year where I mentally go over the past year. This year I lost my stepmother and one of my dogs, Russell. I've had a few friendships end by my choosing. I've made some new friends and even for a brief moment had a crush on a guy.

I'm thankful for everything. I have my health but no medical insurance. That's ok because my doctor will see me without charging. I'm temping but have no permanent job and that too is ok because I meet new people every assignment I take. It also affords me time to write. I've managed to take my life one moment at a time and that's what will make me successful. I know when something negative presents itself, something positive comes to the rescue. I'm learning to turn things around instead of dwelling on the problem, create the solution and move forward.

Have a happy life everyone and live it one moment at a time.

17 hours later...

On November 5th at 5:34pm I received an email stating that I must have my completed pilot in the Fox offices by 5pm on November 9th. Of course I have a ton of specs from other shows and my first pilot had many drafts but nothing I was 100% proud of. I tried to get back to it after allowing life to take over and even asked a friend to partner with me to rewrite it. Somehow work, survival was more important. Now, finally...a deadline! I finally got an invitation, or as Fox calls it a "nomination" to apply for the writer's program for Fox and they only accept original materials.

I said to myself, "I'm the only one to blame if I don't do this. I have let too many other things take precedence and now an opportunity has come and I'm not ready!" That is not me. I am NOT the queen of excuses. I have overcome and accomplished much and I know I have much more to accomplish in this life.

At 10:34am on November 9th, after a total of 17 hours, I finished my pilot! I rewrote the entire pilot from beginning to end. At 1:32pm, my pilot was delivered to the Fox offices.

I did it. I needed that to get me back into doing what I enjoy.

Thank you God.

After thinking about it....

My new project will be a drama! What was I thinking that I could turn what I do to make money a comedy? It is mostly drama! Stay tuned for further updates.

Excited!

After yesterday's visit to the doctor, the miracle meds he gave me has made me feel much better and motivated to get back to writing!

I am working on my comedy pilot "Temporary Personnel." It is about my years as a temp. After temping at almost every studio in this town and for every type of executive, I have enough material to last for years! The best part is that I am making it comical...laughing at the painful reality of being a temp!

The fun part will be for the local viewers figuring out which executive is featured in each episode!!!!

Rude Awakening!

I awoke to a swollen bottom lip this morning! I looked like I had just had triple injections in my bottom lip. My body has been going through a crazy allergy thing since I started my latest assignment at DC Comics. Could I be allergic to the building? At any rate, a big THANK YOU to my doctor for being on top of it and seeing me right away this morning. There are good people out there! I was beginning to lose faith in people, or rather the little that I had in them.

What you don't know, what you don't see...

Everyday I try and everyday I fail. My mom once told me, "if ya keep doin' what you're doing, you'll keep gettin' what you're gettin'" - I have to repeat that in my head and sometimes verbally until I get it! I keep believing that there are decent people out there, yet I get the same ol' same ol' just with a different face.

Am I wasting my life waiting for people do step up and do the right thing? I've tried forcing people to see themselves, yet their egos give them the same image. I do know this, we are all accountable for our actions and it will come back to you the way you treat others.

I didn't realize...

that I was suffering from depression! It hit me yesterday while speaking with my sister. This has been a year of loss for me and the year is catching up to me. I barricade myself over the weekends, spending as much time as possible with Max. I know his time is coming soon. I haven't been able to really write since Russell died in August. I've either kept myself too busy with this new temp assignment or just slept the weekends away next to Max. I haven't even been exercising! I hope I snap out of this funk soon.

Give up on writing - Is it time to shelve your spec?

#Scriptmag tweeted the question this morning. I read the article - I think the better question is give up on trying to break into the entertainment industry as a writer or continue on the road of writing for free and continuous disappointment? Do people want to be in the entertainment industry to be seen or are they in it for the money? Breaking in the industry as a writer is NOT easy by any stretch of the imagination. I've been at it for a few years, yet I'm still trying. I was told it's all about your connections more than your skill. With so many shows being canceled after one airing, I tend to think it's something more. Studios are cutting back on allowing a show to grow on the audience. If the ratings are not tops after the first airing, then by the third the show is bound to be canceled. I am not giving up on writing or trying to get into the seemingly impenetrable tv writers club - I just have to change my style a bit and schmooze like there's no tomorrow!!!!

I wonder...

what the day will bring? I've made the decision to just let everything go. Friendships are temporary like my jobs. I will no longer become attached. I hope something wonderful happens for me soon because giving up on it all seems very welcoming right now. I wonder what I would do if I did give up writing or rather hoping to get on a television show as a writer? I guess I should start thinking about what I should do next with my life. This time I will make it fun and easy!!!

Sometimes...

It is not meant for us to understand things for a while. My issue is that I try to solve the problem, unravel the mystery, and try to figure out why I go through certain trials and tribulations; or why I keep repeating past mistakes expecting different outcomes. I've decided to forgo the search for a best friend as they simply don't exist. People come in and out of our lives for a purpose and that is for our souls advancement, nothing more. I have experienced more betrayals than I wanted this year from poor choices and giving undeserved and sometime desperate chances to people whose intentions were never genuine.

Friends vs. the Economy

Friends are people we meet along this road of life. And just like a dirt or paved road you encounter rocks, trash and all other things that seem to impede your journey. That can be good or bad but either way it serves a purpose to help us get to the next mile; hopefully wiser and faster and learn to avoid the rocks and trash that line the roads. You can either push it to the side or pick it up. There too is another choice. Once you pick it up do you clean it off and find a gem or do you throw it back and keep on steppin'? I've learned there are no perfect people but perfect situations. And in all situations there are choices - the ones we see and the ones we don't. I have tried to live my life as honestly as possible. I have opened my heart and at times bared my soul to those whom I thought I could trust; any like most of us, have gotten burned in the process. So TODAY, as I travel on this road of life, I will forgive and let go of those people whom I've named as friends; the ones who have taken jobs away from me, held back important information that has severely impacted my day to day living, told vicious lies in order to get ahead, stood in my spotlight and claimed it as their own, and lastly threw me under the bus when they felt a more suitable person came into their lives. Is it the economy that is allowing me to see people as they really are? Or have I been blinded to it all along just to say I have a friend? What is the good in forgiving and letting go, you ask? It is for my own peace of mind and growth. Letting go....gone.

Finding my Joy Again...

Life after Russell. I am feeling better but still missing my dog. I give Max even more love hoping to ease any hurt or loss that he may feel. These days I smile more thinking about my Russell jumping, playing, chasing squirrels and chewing things again. He was the best dog and friend anyone could have (he and Max of course).

I'm feeling happy because my writing partner and I are finally working things out and preparing to pitch the show.

Good things are coming. Wait, they are already here....I just can't see them yet!

Smile.

Loss

Any kind of loss is hard. This year seems to have been my year for great loss. I've been dealing with it by taking it one day at a time and appreciating the time I had with those I've lost. My dog Russell was an angel. There is not a human alive, that I've met who can match the amount of love and compassion that dog has given me unconditionally.

There in Dr. Jimerson's quiet room, I held my Russell. I thanked him for all the years he gave me and all the lessons I've learned. In his last moments, right before the final injection, I said "give momma some sugar" and he kissed me twice on my right cheek, as a tear escaped and in complete silence he went to sleep in my arms. I miss my baby boy so much that sometimes it actually hurts. Even now as I write this, the tears flow like a raging river. Russell taught me how to be patient and giving because that's how he was. He never stressed about anything. He always let Max go nuts over something while he sat on the side lines waiting for him to finish. He always knew that there would be enough food, kisses and love so there was never any need to beat Max to the finish line.

My Russell taught me how to be observant with a purpose and to listen with my heart. He taught me to only take what I need and share whats left. He taught me how to love no matter how the person treats me. Learn the lesson, heal the wound and reopen your heart. When the boys were little they would fight like crazy but by the end of the day after feeding, they were never far from each other AND they never fell asleep without one another beside the other.

I miss you Russell. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy and thank you for teaching me some of life's lessons.

My Heart is Broken, My Russell is Gone.

This is the first time I've ever had to put a dog to sleep. My dogs and I have bonded in the 15+ years we've been together. Dogs truly are your best friends. Russell has moved on and a tremendous weight has been lifted leaving an empty peace (a peace not yet defined) in my heart. The tears I have shed equal the size of the largest ocean. The love I have for my dogs is greater than any that I could give to a man.

So how does one get over the loss of a dear pet? One day at a time.

Rest in Peace my Russell, mommy loves you -

March 22, 1996 to August 20, 2011.

Another Day...

Life is funny, people are funny. Things are changing and accountability is in the air. Wow...

Okay, I haven't been blogging...

What a summer! No, don't get excited nothing major has happened nor have I fallen in love or sold a television show...YET! Honestly, I've just been dealing with life. My boys (dogs) are old and the past few weeks have made me realize that they are not going to physically be with me forever. Russell chewed a hole through his tale in June and I've been playing "vet" since then (I've perfected maggot removal). Saturday I'm taking him to officially set the vet, hoping something can be done to help him live longer. Cross your fingers and pray please.

My family is AWESOME and I love them.

I'm still temping and very grateful...yep, it's still hard to get work out there. All the shows are staffed, they completed staffing at the end of May. Fortunately I do have something to look forward to...PITCH SEASON!!! It officially starts in the next couple of weeks. I've signed on my writing partner to help me revamp my pilot. It turns out I'm really great at writing GORE! Who knew? So she is going to help me to NOT keep it SO REAL!!!

I promise to blog more...not everyday like Miss 26, as I have to work my way up to that celebrity status. I'm sure once I do, I will have more than three followers!!

Amazing Happenings and BFF's

As most of you know who follow my blog, I am very into real friendships. Recently I have been going through changes in friendships. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal because I have found that some people are in our lives for a season and some for a lifetime. In life, there are some folks (very few in my opinion) who have a profound presence in our lives. I have been fortunate to have a few of those people come into my life. As of late, with the help of Facebook, I have come to find them all!

Yesterday, I resolved and restored a friendship with one such friend and this morning another one has come back into my life. The month of June has been very lucky for me. Lori came out at the beginning of the month. Sherri and I patched things up yesterday and this morning Tanya "friended" me on Facebook! I am truly happy these people are back into my life. Traci, Candy, Lorie, Sherri, and Tanya...wow. I'm very lucky and blessed to have such a strong and intelligent group of women in my life.

Thank you!

I have an AWESOME life!!!

Going back over the past three years, I can finally say I am and have gotten through the hard part. Everyone has STUFF and when you're going through it, life seems unfair. My advice, keep going and keep believing that everything will be alright especially if you make the effort and keep the faith!

I am celebrating my good and bad times because both have made me grow into a better person, a more loving person.

So for all of you out there hatin' life right now, don't give up. Go through it, survive it, LEARN THE LESSON and move on. Everyday I learn to love me and know that I have done all I can to get to where I want to be - the rest is up to God.

Let the universe take you where you are supposed to go.

What a Day!

Nothing exciting, not to worry. I've spent it writing, errands, resting and watching television. I must admit that I was a little sad. With all of the "friends" I have, according to facebook of course, no one ever really invites me to hang or go out with them. I spend most weekends alone and I have no one to blame but myself...I have pushed people away.

I enjoy my time alone but as I get older, I no longer want to be alone. I cannot wait until I am mated. One day.

It's Friday and I've got poofy hair again!

Not to worry, I'm still public presentable!

This has been a crazy week of ups and downs. As other writers know, this was the last week of getting staffed on a show for next season. It's always a tough blow when you don't get staffed. Your self-esteem is once again in the toilet and you hold onto your full 40 (if you have one) for one more season. I cannot say that I struggle with self-esteem issues but I do struggle with other issues like...is my writing good enough to compete with the big boys? I come back to life when I slap myself silly and respond, "of course it is!"

I had the pleasure of having lunch with a fellow writer earlier this week and I posed the gut-wrenching question to him. His reaction: we were walking through the floral filled mall on the Warner Bros. lot. The flowering trees were dropping their pedals as we walked by. He stopped and turned to me and said "don't you ever ask that question again if you ever want to make it in this town!" I stood there hanging on every word and then right as I open my mouth to respond he said "of course you are talented and good enough! We shall never speak of this again!" With that we turned to walk into the WB Store to check out the latest DVD's.

I am not giving up and I will get staffed and I will have my own television show!

Pastrami Day!

Yep, it's Wednesday. My day began with a scene on my mind so I wrote it down. Writing truly makes me happy! One day I will get on a staff then after that I will hire a staff of my own!!!

"Faith makes everything possible...not easy."

It's 9am on a Monday...

I'm at my temp job and wondering what I can do to make my day great?

- I could have a few moments of clarity to write on my pilot.
- I could be the better person and resolve all outstanding issues in relation to relationships at work.
- I could understand that I am not perfect.
- I could do my best to make my situation better by not complaining and accept where I am right now as a transition onto something closer to my goals.
- I could just be happy to exist.
- I could recognize other people's definitions of the following terms:
.....love
.....friendship
.....happiness
- I could simply let go.

Now of all these could's - I will accept them all and let the chips fall where they may.

I learned something...

about myself yesterday. Ready? My ego is way too big! Six months ago I reconnected with an old acquaintance from years past. We hit it off and quickly jumped into best friendship. Yesterday I got my ass handed to me when she told me something about myself that I didn't see. I was trying to make her the person I thought she should be!! I was forcing her to be what I thought a best friend should be. Talk about hitting you like a ton of bricks.

Although I'm happy that it happened, I'm hurt because I was the one who behaved so badly. I apologized to her and made the decision that it's best to not have a friendship with her at all. Don't get me wrong, I still want a best friend, I am just not ready to be one. As far as the best friendship at warp speed, take your time and get to thoroughly know the person first, make sure you have something in common. Don't make assumptions and teach yourself listening skills.

I learned a huge lesson yesterday.

Sunday Funday

First off...Happy Birthday Mary, today would have been your 91st! I miss and love you so much.

Life is moving along. I decided to apply for the position I'm temping in until things start moving for me in the writing arena. I temporarily reverted back to my old way of thinking, that I was going to get sucked up into this position and work for the paycheck and ditch my writing but this time, I think not. I really am changing and for the better. I now believe in love again and my hope has been restored.

This morning I slept in. I had the wildest dream. I was back in Chicago but my California friends were there. We were downtown and running late for church. I was with my friend James and Donna Marie. DM was after me for dallying around and running late and James was looking forward to going back to church. We get to church and there was a line to get in. While in line this BOSSY woman comes up from behind me and tells everyone to hurry up and get in because its time to pray! Not ten seconds after she said that a bell rang and everyone was down on their knees praying! I was annoyed because I was not used to this church, I lost James and I think DM flat out left and to make it worse, this woman's HUGE HAT kept hitting me in the head. I cannot begin to understand what that means. Anyone who can explain it to me, please do!

I'm at a different Starbucks this morning and still have groupies!!! I am glad to be out of the house and writing. I'm feeling positive again on this dreary rainy morning.

I never heard from Kurt and it's not looking like I ever will but we will meet one day. I do admire him that will never change.

Last night I changed my relationship status on facebook...the crowd is going nuts! I've received comments, "likes," and phone calls as to who this mystery MAN might be. For now he's a secret.

Have an awesome day!!

Blessings are coming to pass...

Happy Friday All!

Things have been manifesting like crazy as of late. I've been putting out good and helping those that I can unconditionally because great things are happening for me.

This week I've met people from my past, some very helpful and some not. I was able to devote more time to writing my television pilot and last night I actually had a pitch! It went very well. This person is excited and so far everyone I pitch to is very excited about my project.

I stepped out on faith and emailed Kurt Sutter. I haven't heard back from him.

I really feel like things are happening for me (going to happen) and I want to make sure I'm prepared.

I'm pleased with the rewrites so far of my pilot. Things are starting to come together.

Thank you God, family and friends!!!

Problem solved

For the past couple of months I've been going around about a friendship that happened. We quickly became best of friends, then it happened...a man came along and she threw me under the bus. We have taken a break from the friendship and today I decided there is no reason to return.

Let go, let God and someone else will enter your life.

People are amazing...

And this shouldn't surprise me. When you're looking for help they are nowhere to be found or they suddenly disappear. Yet when you've got something they want they never seem to leave you alone.

I've reached out to two people for career advice since they are currently (working writers) writing for television shows. I'm straight forward and to the point, more people should appreciate that approach. Why must everything be take, take, take? Doesn't anyone ever give anymore?

It's ok...my list is a long one and when I do make it, and I will...trust me I won't forget.

Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

Ever have...

one of those days that just don't make sense? That day was today. It started out great, positive and hopeful. Then in the middle of the morning it all went to crap. There is this woman at work stealing paper towels (yes, an actual employee who gets paid the big bucks). Her supervisor caught her and I was like report her to HR. The supervisor didn't report her, made her return the paper towels and she got off scott free. So does this mean that people who attempt crimes should be let go with a warning and a slap on the wrist? Attempted murder, robbery and rape...hmmm...

That soured the majority of my day until a friend asked me "why do you care?" Then like the sun coming out after a rainstorm, I told her "I don't."

California Strawberry Festival

I had a great time with Gerald and Meyva this weekend. I think I've hit my limit of strawberries consumed for the year! I had a great time and looking forward to getting out more with my friends.

Interesting

It's amazing how things come back around in your life. I just heard from this guy I was interested in a few years ago. He was very cold to me then so I let it go. Now three years later he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I tell guys that I am truly an anomaly and a very cool person. But do something wrong, I will drop you immediately. Why? Because I know my worth and do not suffer from low self-esteem like so many women do. Desperation only leads to mistakes and drama. If I could play God for one hour, I would give women back their sense of self to make them realize that they are worthy of greatness (not in a conceited way) and choose a mate for love and not anything material...clearly, it doesn't last.

Love yourself people!!!!

Ok...I've gone and done it...

I'm officially on Twitter and now I can tweet! I have a feeling I will soon have much good news and things to say. God has been super blessing me.

Find me on twitter - writerstewie


Stay blessed and good lookin'!!

Okay, It's been a While...

Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I have been through it for the past four months! Sadly, my step mom passed away on March 23rd and I miss her everyday!! I love you Mary! Then my best friend, of which our friendship is on hiatus, threw me under the bus for a man (don't get me started)!!!! I hope he will make her very happy. I am of the opinion that best/good friends are above relationships. I could be wrong but that's my thinking. I figure if she easily dropped me for the attentions of a man, who's to say she will be around when I need her? I would love comments about this. I'm really on the fence as to whether or not we should remain friends.

So now what?

LIFE GOES ON and I make the best of what I've got! I'm still writing, smiling, loving, hoping and praying daily. I'm looking forward to the time where I will be apart of a writing team on a television show in the writing room. I know this is all in God's time, but this year would be awesome!!!

I'm looking forward to falling in love with the perfect guy for me...finally!!! I feel I'm in the right position mentally to seek out and jointly maintain a loving committed relationship. Let me tell ya, that has been a long time coming. I needed a ton of me time to figure out what I want.

This temp assignment is finally ending after six months! Normally I would be sad, but amazingly I am not. I am looking forward to the next adventure. In these past few months I realized that I am truly blessed and a child of God; so why worry?

Oh and my latest OBSESSION...WORDS WITH FRIENDS!!! If you have the app, find me "writer stewie" and let's play a game...or two!!!

I've posted a happier picture taken by my co-worker today!!!

It's great to be back!!!

Stewie

Ode to MS

I used to think I had control of my life, when in reality I don't. My step mother passed this week. She lived a long life and made it to 90. She has been in my life since I was two. For a step mother, she went above and beyond to be the best. She loved me as if I were her very own. I loved her the same. She was my friend too. We had this connection and she understood me. I will miss you MS. I love you.

Ok, so its been a couple of weeks...

Things have been happening at warp speed but not what you think. My step mother is still in the hospital. She keeps moving from nursing home to hospital. I flew home to see her a couple of weeks ago and she was happy to see me. It was bitter sweet as the thought of me never seeing her alive again breaks my heart. Also the knowing that she will never see me in a better light with all of my situations going on, i.e. finances, unemployment, writing - just having something great going on in my life so that she can go in peace and not worry about me is all I pray for; that and that she is not in any pain. I love her dearly.

I really, REALLY need something great to happen for me. It has been too long in limbo and too many bad things happening. My body and mind are exhausted. I know great things are coming I just don't know what or when. I've made peace with the fact that this is my life right now, as it has been for the past 3 years. I pray a good change happens soon.

Blessings and love to all!

You never know...

This week I had a "you never know" moment. The situation involved a friend and something happened that created a rift in our friendship. It turns out that rift was needed to strengthen our friendship to levels we both needed. It's amazing because the rift could have completely ended that friendship, instead in strengthened it!

Another "you never know" moment, I received my first studio rejection of my pilot by CBS. I thought I would feel crushed but as it turns out it made me feel better! I realized how blessed and fortunate I am to have (keeping it in the present tense) had the opportunity to have my writing read by a studio, it in a way makes me a legitimate writer! I know that sounds silly but anyone who is on this career path uses anything and every glimmer of hope to make their dreams a reality. Instead of tears, I carried the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the day!!!!

"You never know" moment number three; this week I was introduced to Shakeology! Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a sales person per se. I'm more of an observer, a scientific skeptic if you will when it comes to products that claim to do something. I tried this product for two days and in that small amount of time I saw results and have had energy (positive and physical) ever since! I immediately signed up and became a coach!! Here is my website: http://myshakeology.com/WriterStewie

Check it out and ask me anything about this product. I come from a family that owned a health food chain, so I feel like a bit of an expert when it comes to health and vitamins!!!

I'm still writing my Fringe spec episode. It's coming along. I'm determined to finish it and of course it must be perfect!!!

This turned out to be a very busy and good week for the most part. Mary is still in the hospital and I still speak with her daily.

Have a great weekend all!!!

Week One of the New Year!!!

My step Mom is doing much better, thank you for all of your prayers. This week I have been able to relax and just go with the flow. I've been writing my Fringe spec (which makes me super happy) and I've been working. I take it one moment at a time, that's the best approach.

Have a super day!!!

Angels do exist and there are GOOD People out there!!

Yesterday on my drive home, I received a phone call. It was Denice. Denice is the Phone company representative that took care of disconnecting my mom's phone in her apartment last week. I broke down in tears last week while speaking to her on the phone and she immediately stopped and said "let's pray together." 45 minutes later the phone was taken care of and I struggled through my day. Thursday was a very rough day and I thought I was going to lose my step mom. Friday morning, my step mom was a new woman! Anyway, back to last night...Denice called to check on how I and my step mom were doing. Yes, a phone company representative!!! I told her she got better but its up and down. Denice then told me that she was calling for another reason...she is purchasing a plane ticket for me to go home to Chicago to be with my mom. Miracles do happen and there are some good people out there! Amen!

This person has never met me and she took that leap of faith to help me. I know a ton of people and not one reached out to me like that. In fact there is one former friend who did just the opposite creating more stress that I don't need. Thank God for good people. They are few but they are out there.

Thank you Denice!!!

New Year, same drama?

I hope not. I say resolve the drama and move on. Everyone goes through a rough patch, I am certainly no different. I'm very excited about writing my Fringe spec. I worked on it last night before the new year rang in. I'm praying for good change, I really need it.

My step mom is up and down but hanging in there. It amazes me on the lack of care the health care system provides, especially for those the system has given up hope. I continue to thank you all for your prayers.

Happy, healthy and a prosperous 2011!