On Vacation

I'm taking a break from facebook and the internet. Just like inspiration, I'll be back.

Determined!

After a quiet weekend and much time to reflect on my past and present, I'm determined to continue moving forward. I will stop blaming everyone for the successes I did receive… Hmmm, what's wrong with that last sentence? "Successes I didn't receive" and "Blame." Let's take a few steps back. I am a very determined and hard working individual, so any success I have are those I have created and nurtured. So for me to state that success is given to me is not accurate. Any success I have is because I not only wanted it, worked hard for it, and most importantly I shared my dreams and goals. So when success doesn't happen the way I envisioned it, that means it is time to take a step back and ask myself a few questions:

Is this what you want?
What do you want?
What do you need to get to where you want?
What are you willing to give up to get what and where you want?
Is it worth it?
Are you surrounded by people who are good for me?

This list is much longer, but I suspect you all get the point.

I will not blame others for not helping me achieve my goals, nor do I expect others to help. I must do the work and know that my time will come.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Maybe I'm dating myself but remember when co-workers used to ask on Friday's "what are your plans for the weekend?" with the intentions of maybe wanting to get together outside of work or actually taking an interest in your personal life? Now it is more of a faux nicety to show concern. When most people ask me, I say "nothing" and that seems to end the conversation. There are many things people ask (or say) and don't really mean (or care), like "How are you today?" And if you say more than "Fine" or "Well" the person loses interest and looks for the nearest exit. When people ask me how I'm doing, my response most of the time is "Still perfect, still good lookin, nothings changed since yesterday... and you?" Their preprogrammed response goes out the window and they actually have to think! I love it because most of the time it brings a smile to their faces. I guess making people feel good about themselves is one of my callings.

Just thinking...

I read a post this morning on facebook from a former co-worker. It was simply titled "For those on the verge of giving up..." The first thing that comes to my mind is, "that's a sign to keep my goals in sight and not give up." But then I thought, "that can't be a message for me because I've always had the goal in sight and always trying but never succeeding." Last night I thought, "well it hasn't happened and where I am is as good as its gonna get for me so I might as well accept it." This morning, I feel differently now that I've had time to reflect on why I was so angry yesterday and what got me to that point.

People cannot see beyond their own stereotypes. Many feel, myself included, that because I sit in an assistant (coordinator) chair, this is all I am about. They feel my intellectual level only goes as high as mastering google calendar and booking flights. For the few who have actually had a conversation with me are blown away with just how deep, funny, personable and intelligent I really am. Of course you shouldn't have to hear you're smart in order to believe it. You must know it. The frustration comes when others never expect it.

This is why I write. I do have stories to tell. I am somebody (back in the day from old school Chicago and Jesse Jackson in the 80's)!

I know, It's been a minute but...

My life has been crazy and my time is no longer my own. My full 50 has consumed all of my time and on the weekends its all about research, research, and writing.

I apologize to you, my two followers and from this point forward will make a more concerted effort to post often.

More info to come soon...