Giving up is hard to do and NOT an option!

Having dinner with a friend last night, our conversation was about my writing career. I told him the advice I'd been getting from current working television writers is to get an agent. Everyone is saying that.

So he googled and found this blog: http://goodinaroom.com/blog/get-literary-agent/

After reading it to me, he came to realize that it is virtually impossible for me to get staffed or get any traction with my pilots! He carefully and slowly asked me what I was going to do, fearing that I would tell him that I give up. I'm not giving up. But know, it is NOT easy. I would have more success applying to and being accepted to Harvard medical school.
So what is my plan? As of right this second, I have no idea. All I know is at the end of the day, I will still be a writer.

Trigger Material Realities

Some often ask how I can write about such horrible human experiences. It is not easy. Knowing so much information on the atrocities humans do to each other does make one suspicious of all relationships, therefore often creating a very solitary existence. I think many writers are like this by nature. We already have so many stories in our head. I'm happy I've found a balance. I socialize and I get out into the world to find that balance. There are good people out there somewhere.

Why do I write about harsh realities? Because they are realities that need to get in check...quickly. If I can stop one person from falling prey to human cruelty by opening their eyes, then I guess I've done my job. I look at it as leveling the playing field by shedding light on the darkness. Reality TV is not real. It's easy money and tons of exposure without doing any work. Let's face it, we are now a society of extremely sensitive, lazy, litigious (let's sue someone because they made me actually FEEL and so I don't have to go out and get a job) and entitled people.

As a writer, I do a ton of research and often seek both sides of the situation. In my pilot #Trafficked, while I don't take sides, I peer into the life of a trafficker as well as a trafficked victim. Everyone always should see the backstory because everyone has one.

Everybody's Starin' at Me...

I've become accustomed to people staring at me, but this morning (5:30) in a close to empty #Starbucks, a woman is watching my every move. And when I look at her, she still continues to gaze at me. I haven't had my first sip of coffee, yet I managed to put on a smile. I sit in my spot, get my things together and prepare to write. I look over and she's still staring at me. So not only do I have the song from Midnight Cowboy playing in my head, I'm wondering if I walked out of the house without clothes on!

I get up and ask her if I had something in my teeth? She smiled and said no, you're just so #BEAUTIFUL. I thanked her and told her to have a great day then she left.

On that note - HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!

Is it just Low Self-Esteem?

We've all seen young women walking around in the shortest of shorts and a pound of makeup on their faces. Back in the day, one would look at them and immediately think, "oh they want to be noticed" because they have no self-esteem or she's "fast." Next time you see a girl/woman under 25 dressed that way, take another look. Take a long look into her eyes. You will see a dronism (yes, I made that up) sadness. Not just because of extreme lack of confidence in herself but she could be being trafficked! Humility is a form of control. Her pimp will make her get used to being in public places, not just to show off the goods for sale in order to nab potential customers, but to take away any ounce of self-esteem the girl may have had in order to control her. These girls/women, if alone, will usually be very quiet. They are sent in to do a task and then leave. In the instance of the woman I saw this morning, her task was to get coffee for her "boyfriend" wearing black lingerie leaving nothing to the imagination. She knows people are watching her but all she can think about is the severe beating she will get if she doesn't do as she's told and return to him.

Perfect Fit!

These days when job hunting, everything is about being a perfect fit more than (or along with) being qualified. I've come to realize a "perfect fit" is someone who goes with the flow without making waves. That's obvious. How to be perfect? No one is perfect, everyone is flawed. I seem perfect to some and imperfect to others. It's all about perception and expectations that we place on ourselves.

Things people say that drive me crazy...

As a black woman certain things drive me nuts. I often wonder if other women have the same experiences.

Recently, I was going over one of my projects with a friend of a friend. They were impressed. The first words out of his mouth...How did YOU come up with that? I immediately felt I had to defend myself by reminding him that I am indeed educated and know the ways of the world. I smiled and contained myself. I told him, "those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. And, I didn't drink the kool-aid." He looked at me with such a puzzled look. I simply told him to Google it.

At Starbucks this morning, a white woman brings her little kids in and the place is virtually empty, WHY does she make her kids sit next to me? This happens all of the time. It's as if I'm an instant nanny to watch her kids as she stands in line. So I got up and walked away. If looks could kill, she was like, how dare you leave my children unattended!!!

Recently I went walking with a black male friend of mine who is married to a white woman. We hadn't seen each other in a few years but kept in touch on facebook. After the "it's nice to finally see you in person," and before the goodbyes, he tells me, I wish I would of met you. You're the type of black woman that I could be with. This mind you has happened a few times where my black male friends feel like they need to defend their choices. I look at him and simply say, your loss.

A recent job interview, the Hispanic interviewer greets me. I sit, we exchange niceties. She looks over my resume and asks if I have a car. I told her yes. The job is in Beverly Hills. So she asked me what are I lived in. I told her, she said "oh I know that area. The rent is high over there." I looked at her and smiled and said, "luckily I bought my house when I did." The next words out of her mouth should of remained in her mind, "Oh, I didn't think blacks could buy houses in that area." It took all the strength I had NOT to blast her with my words. I simply stood up and told her, "I don't think I'd be a good fit here." I walked out.

Another famous pitch meeting with another creative executive..."I read your script and I don't understand the significance of Jim Jones." I asked, do you know who he was? And she said, "Yes, he's a rapper." I wanted to remind her that before the internet there were books.

I got my hair done recently and a woman in the shop walks up to me and asks "how many kids do you have?" I immediately look down to see if my belly fat was bulging out. I told her I have no kids. She walked away. I guess she figured we couldn't relate to each other.

I was talking to a friend and told her that I was watching #RealTimeWithBillMaher and she tells me, "you know he likes black ghetto women." I told her that the current price of tea in China as $.1o. She gave me a confused look. So I asked her what did that have to do with me watching his show? She said, "Oh, well I thought maybe that's why you were watching the show."

I love my life.

The world lost a great guy this weekend!

Richard Del Belso was a great man. He was my angel. Losing someone who believes in you leaves an empty feeling. Until we meet again my friend.