Sunday, October 23, 2016

Life's twists and turns

If I knew back in high school that my life would amount to this, what would I do differently?  This is the question I ask myself, along with other pertinent grounding questions frequently.  At this point, I believe I am the luckiest unlucky person in the world!  Or is it the unlukiest lucky person?  Let's delve into the first choice.  I'm reminded by people who love me that I indeed have a roof over my head, employment, food, and choices.  Is it wrong to want more?  In my eyes, anyone can have what I have and I didn't get here by luck.  It was hard work along with the great ability to heal quickly from the many stab wounds in my back from all those whose soul purpose in life is to see me fail.

So here I am.  What does tomorrow hold that I wasn't able to accomplish today?  Hope.

I hope I make it into the writer's room.  I hope he finds me (yes, there is someone I have my eye on).  And I pray I don't lose all intellect toiling through the mindless day to day existence.  I must admit graduate school was easy for me.  More education at this point would be a further waste of money.

Nancy.  What's it like on the other side?  Can you see through the crap?

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

My latest Challenge!!!

I've signed up for the Spartan Race - December 11th!!!!  Check out the videos on youtube!  Is it me or is there a ton of MUD involved in this race?

Time for a change

When you wake up consistently at 2am with tear stains on the side of your face and your mind just won't shutdown, that means its time for a change that I need to force it to happen.  I've tried without success to break into TV Writing.  With so many "friends" I didn't think it would be too hard.  Surprisingly, it's harder.  And that's okay because I have been fortunate enough to see karma in action!


Friday, August 26, 2016

I have a dream to I had a dream and DNA filled with Disappoinment

I'm  a very private person.  The persona you see online barely skims the surface of who I am and my journey.  I usually reveal bits of my life experiences through my television pilots.  Each character embodies some element of my reality.

I find it appropriate to write this on the eve of the weekend of Dr. King's "I have a dream" speech.  I'm home after another mile swim and no work.  Mississippi Burning is on Showtime.  I allow it to play in the background while I write.

I can't say my life up until this point has been easy.  From the day I was born, I have struggled.  I was a preemie and I had to fight to live.  I made it!  It seems my life has been one struggle/fight after another.  I triumph. I breathe.  Another struggle/challenge appears.  It got me to thinking.  Why?  Is it too much to ask for a longer period of solitude and fortune?  Is struggle part of my DNA?

Not so long ago,  my grandfather on my father's side was killed by a white man in a small town in Mississippi.  Shot dead in the street while my father, a child, watched.  He crawled over to his dead father and sat in the middle of the street in his blood trying to wake him.  I wonder.  Besides being black, what was the reason my grandfather was shot dead in the street?  This incident of hatred is part of my DNA.

With all that has happened to me, one would think I killed somebody!  I don't play the victim card.  Never have, never will.  I don't open up to people.  I don't gossip, I keep my emotions inside and I don;t allow myself to get close.  Distance is safe.  Love is elusive.

I have been disappointed and betrayed by so many people. Many times for no other reasons than jealousy or insecurity of others.  I am a very driven person.  Not lazy by any stretch of the imagination.  I usually accomplish many things I set out to do.   Truth be told, I wanted to be a profiler with the FBI.  I love investigative research.  When I failed at achieving that goal.  I had to find another goal.  Television writing fell into my lap.  I have yet to achieve this goal.  As of late, it seems that this too will be only a dream and not a reality.


Saturday, August 13, 2016

And how was your week?

Interesting week: Day off of exercise since I've worked out 5 days straight and tomorrow is the big day, a trial run of the triathlon that happens in 35 days!!
I had a temp replace me at work for 3 days. She's a writer who wrote an episode of Everwood in 2006. So you know I picked her brain on how she got there. After she told me the usual, she then said with conviction that I will NEVER make it because the networks don't take pitches from new writers and my shows will never be made so I should give up. Is this true? Feel free to chime in all of my facebook "friends" that are working writers and producers.
Then a guy told me he loves me. When I politely acknowledged his feelings and was honest with him about mine, he quickly came back with "no one else will ever love you anyway, I was just being nice."
I made the switch to #Bulletproof coffee (coffee with butter) and I don't think I'll ever go back to Starbucks!
Thursday night's ride was a bit terrifying for me. All hills. I made it as far as I could before turning around to get back before it got dark. After my fall a month ago, I'm very shaky and slow. So what happens? As I was climbing the hill, a red car comes up behind me and the driver rolls down his window and honks his horn! Scared me, made me weave a little. My ass must attract the crazies because this is now the third time it has happened. There was no reason to honk or come that close to me. It was an open road.
So now, I'm up writing on my third pilot that will apparently never be read, or made for that matter. Looking forward to getting my nails done with Candace L. Punch.
And how was your week?

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Triathlon Training

Well I'm seven weeks away from my first triathlon.  Today, I'm a bit exhausted mentally and physically.  I have no doubts I can do this, I just wish other parts of my life would come together.   I foolishly thought doing a triathlon would help alleviate the amount of stress I'm under, but not so.  While it didn't necessarily add more stress, I am not as confident as I should be.

I will get through this!!!  All I can do is take it one moment, one issue, one drama at a time.

Have a great day!

If you haven't already, please help me  help the Children's Hospital Los Angeles by donating today!!

http://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1155260&supId=437076581


Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Giving up is hard to do!!!!


So should I give up?  Or apply for a job as the cleaning person of the writer's room? That seems to be the only way I'll get in!!!

Showrunners for New TV Season Remain Mostly White and Male

June 8, 2016

Despite the success of series like “Black-ish,” “Empire,” and “Fresh Off the Boat,” the broadcast networks’ push for diversity hit a stumbling block with the rollout of the new fall lineup. A Variety investigation into new scripted shows for the 2016-17 season reveals that 90% of showrunners are white, and almost 80% are male.
This is based on information provided by the five broadcast networks, which gave Varietythe names of the showrunners of their new scripted programs (a total of 50 across 38 new series). Variety independently confirmed the race and gender of each, via multiple sources. All names and data used for this story is available below. (Showrunner designations were not yet available for four series — two at NBC and two at ABC — and information on those programs was not included in the statistical analysis of the new season.)
Showrunners not only determine the creative direction of their programs; they also oversee the hiring, firing, and mentoring that gives the next generation of creators a chance to ascend. Shows run by white men tend to lead to more shows led by white men.


A lack of inclusion behind the scenes also affects storytelling. A study from USC Annenberg’s Institute for Diversity and Empowerment noted that actresses are more likely to receive speaking roles if women are creators. But that organization’s most recent study, which was published in 2015, reported that men outnumber women as creators by more than 3 to 1 in all realms of TV, including cable and streaming. Meanwhile, for the 2014-15 season, 19% of broadcast network programs had no speaking roles for African-American characters, and 59% had none for Asian characters, Annenberg says.
Of the 50 showrunners for the new season, two are women of color, and three are men of color. Studies by the Writers Guild of America show that non-white writers have constituted no more than 13% of writers-room employment for several years (and in some years, the figure has been even lower).
Variety found that women, who constitute 51% of the American population, will run 22% of the new shows. That’s not much better than the state of affairs in 1997-98, when 18% of the shows on the broadcast networks had women creators, according to San Diego State University’s Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film.


Women of color remain largely excluded: There were no non-white female showrunners on new shows for ABC, CBS, or the CW as of press time. The small number of writers of color of either gender working as showrunners on new broadcast network programs demonstrate that in many ways, the path to one of the most powerful positions in TV remains obstructed for them.
It’s worth noting that a greater array of perspectives and cultural backgrounds might have prevented the kind of outcry there has been in recent months over a rash of deaths on TV. Shocking exits will always be a part of the TV scene, especially as the sheer number of scripted programs continues to grow, but given that straight, white men run the vast majority of TV shows on the air, it’s not surprising to find that death comes more often for populations that are already under-represented on the small screen, i.e., female characters, LGBT characters and non-white characters (a trend statistically confirmed by a recent Vox numerical analysis of the most recent season).
Presented with Variety’s findings, reps for the five networks gave background information on efforts to create opportunities for women and people of color, but all declined to address the statistics for the new season on the record.
Here is the data available at the time of publication for new shows for the 2016-2017 season on the broadcast networks.
New ABC fall and midseason scripted programs
“Conviction”
Showrunners:
Liz Friedman (white female)
Liz Friedlander (white female)
“Notorious”
Showrunner:
Josh Berman (white male)
“Time After Time”
Showrunner:
Kevin Williamson (white male)
“Downward Dog”
Showrunners:
Kat Likkel (white female)
John Hoberg (white male)
“American Housewife”
Showrunners:
Richard Weiner (white male)
Kenneth Schwartz (white male)
“Speechless”
Showrunner:
Scott Silveri (white male)
ABC shows not included in stats — showrunner designations not available
“Designated Survivor”
Executive Producers:
David Guggenheim (white male)
Simon Kinberg (white male)
Kiefer Sutherland (white male)
Mark Gordon (white male)
Nick Pepper (white male)
Suzan Bymel (white female)
Aditya Sood (South Asian male)
“Still Star-Crossed”
Executive Producers:
Heather Mitchell (white female)
Shonda Rhimes (African-American female)
Betsy Beers (white female)
Michael Goldstein (white male)
Michael Offer (white male)
New Fox fall and midseason scripted programs
“Lethal Weapon”
Showrunner:
Matt Miller (white male)
“The Exorcist”
Showrunner:
Rolin Jones (white male)
24: Legacy
Showrunners:
Manny Coto (Hispanic male)
Evan Katz (white male)
“APB”
Showrunner:
Trey Calloway (white male)
“Star”
Showrunners:
Charles Murray (African-American male)
Tom Donaghy (white male)
“Prison Break”
Showrunner:
Paul Scheuring (white male)
“Shots Fired”
Showrunner:
Gina Prince-Bythewood (African-American female)
“Pitch”
Showrunner:
Kevin Falls (white male)
“Son of Zorn”
Showrunner:
Sally Bradford (white female)
“The Mick”
Showrunner:
John Chernin (white male)
Dave Chernin (white male)
“Making History”
Showrunner:
Julius “Goldy” Sharpe (white male)
New CBS fall and midseason scripted programs
“Bull”
Showrunner:
Mark Goffman (white male)
“MacGyver”
Showrunner:
Peter Lenkov (white male)
“Pure Genius”
Showrunner:
Jason Katims (white male)
“Training Day”
Showrunner:
Barry Schindel (white male)
“Doubt”
Showrunners:
Tony Phelan (white male)
Joan Rater (white female)
“Kevin Can Wait”
Showrunner:
Rock Reuben (white male)
“The Great Indoors”
Showrunner:
Chris Harris (white male)
“Man with a Plan”
Showrunners:
Jeff Filgo (white male)
Jackie Filgo (white female)
New NBC fall and midseason scripted programs
“Great News”
Showrunner:
Tracey Wigfield: (white female)
“Marlon”
Showrunner:
Chris Moynihan (white male)
“Good Place”
Showrunner:
Mike Schur (white male)
“Trial and Error”
Showrunners:
Jeff Astrof (white male)
Matt Miller (white male)
“Powerless”
Showrunner:
Ben Queen (white male)
“Midnight Texas”
Showrunner:
Monica Owusu-Breen (African-American female)
“Timeless”
Showrunners:
Eric Kripke (white male)
Shawn Ryan (white male)
“This is Us”
Showrunner:
Dan Fogelman (white male)
“Taken”
Showrunner:
Alexander Cary (white male)
“Emerald City”
Showrunners:
David Schulner (white male)
Shaun Cassidy (white male)
NBC shows not included in stats — showrunner designations not available
“The Blacklist: Redemption”
Executive producers:
Jon Bokenkamp (white male)
John Eisendrath (white male)
John Fox (white male)
John Davis (white male)
“Chicago Justice”
Executive producers:
Dick Wolf (white male)
Peter Jankowski (white male)
Matt Olmstead (white male)
Derek Haas (white male)
Michael Brandt (white male)
Arthur Forney (African-American male)
New CW fall and midseasons scripted programs
“Frequency”
Showrunner:
Jeremy Carver (white male)
“No Tomorrow”
Showrunners:
Corinne Brinkerhoff (white female)
Maggie Friedman (white female)
“Riverdale”
Showrunner:
Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (Hispanic male)
Related stories

Saturday, June 4, 2016

I'm doing this!!!!

Challenge Accepted!!! If I can do this, YOU can support me!!! I'm doing the hard part and y'all know I do NOT want to swim in the Pacific (messing up my hair is NOT an option but...) so join me and #TeamTimeWarner #TeamWB to help the Children's Hospital Los Angeles #CHLA! I rarely ask but this time I am asking. Please help support #CHLA and cheer me on as I work towards completing this challenge #106days2go!!!

http://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1155260&supId=437076581

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Goodbye Prince


I'm sorry I never got to meet Prince. I think we would have gotten along. His death hit me hard, much like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. These icons were the pinnacles of my teenage to adult years! It was Prince's songs that guided me through those awkward years of my life and I learned to accept and love me for me. Goodnight sweet Prince. See ya on the other side.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Why Wouldn't I?

A friend came up to me and asked for help in getting his son into the writer's room. He's 20 and white. I said, why should I help the guy who takes opportunities from me? Not 20, black, and female. I smiled and told him that I am happy to do what I can. I am very secure, not only in myself but in my writing despite a recent comment from a guy who read the first act of one of my pilots, calling it "cliche." He basically was saying it's shit and I'm just another talentless hack crowding the system.

Several people have read my stuff and not one said it was cliche. I'll keep on writing and I'll continue to help others. I know my moment will happen. Who knows, that moment might be....now!

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Being Single is NOT a Curse!!

People ask me two things upon meeting me: 1. Are you married, and 2. Do you have any kids? I smile and respond with No to both and I'm absolutely happy. Some have even tried to guilt me on my choice. It didn't work. Relationships and children aren't a priority for me. Writing. Having my television shows on the air. The freedom to do whatever I want whenever appeals to me. I'm loyal to myself. I'm also honest with myself. I don't believe we have ONE person out there. I believe we have many. Each serving a different purpose to help us grow as a person. If there is ONE person out there who can afford such rich experiences with me, then he will have to be someone intelligent, insanely funny, high energy yet chill, giving, loyal, honest, oh the list could go on and I have yet to find any one guy to embody all of those qualities. I love my life. Living in the now is very rewarding. And I'm not saying my mated friends are not living in the now. I'm saying we are living different experiences. Accept mine, as I accept yours.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Giving up is hard to do and NOT an option!

Having dinner with a friend last night, our conversation was about my writing career. I told him the advice I'd been getting from current working television writers is to get an agent. Everyone is saying that.

So he googled and found this blog: http://goodinaroom.com/blog/get-literary-agent/

After reading it to me, he came to realize that it is virtually impossible for me to get staffed or get any traction with my pilots! He carefully and slowly asked me what I was going to do, fearing that I would tell him that I give up. I'm not giving up. But know, it is NOT easy. I would have more success applying to and being accepted to Harvard medical school.
So what is my plan? As of right this second, I have no idea. All I know is at the end of the day, I will still be a writer.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Trigger Material Realities

Some often ask how I can write about such horrible human experiences. It is not easy. Knowing so much information on the atrocities humans do to each other does make one suspicious of all relationships, therefore often creating a very solitary existence. I think many writers are like this by nature. We already have so many stories in our head. I'm happy I've found a balance. I socialize and I get out into the world to find that balance. There are good people out there somewhere.

Why do I write about harsh realities? Because they are realities that need to get in check...quickly. If I can stop one person from falling prey to human cruelty by opening their eyes, then I guess I've done my job. I look at it as leveling the playing field by shedding light on the darkness. Reality TV is not real. It's easy money and tons of exposure without doing any work. Let's face it, we are now a society of extremely sensitive, lazy, litigious (let's sue someone because they made me actually FEEL and so I don't have to go out and get a job) and entitled people.

As a writer, I do a ton of research and often seek both sides of the situation. In my pilot #Trafficked, while I don't take sides, I peer into the life of a trafficker as well as a trafficked victim. Everyone always should see the backstory because everyone has one.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Everybody's Starin' at Me...


I've become accustomed to people staring at me, but this morning (5:30) in a close to empty #Starbucks, a woman is watching my every move. And when I look at her, she still continues to gaze at me. I haven't had my first sip of coffee, yet I managed to put on a smile. I sit in my spot, get my things together and prepare to write. I look over and she's still staring at me. So not only do I have the song from Midnight Cowboy playing in my head, I'm wondering if I walked out of the house without clothes on!

I get up and ask her if I had something in my teeth? She smiled and said no, you're just so #BEAUTIFUL. I thanked her and told her to have a great day then she left.

On that note - HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Is it just Low Self-Esteem?

We've all seen young women walking around in the shortest of shorts and a pound of makeup on their faces. Back in the day, one would look at them and immediately think, "oh they want to be noticed" because they have no self-esteem or she's "fast." Next time you see a girl/woman under 25 dressed that way, take another look. Take a long look into her eyes. You will see a dronism (yes, I made that up) sadness. Not just because of extreme lack of confidence in herself but she could be being trafficked! Humility is a form of control. Her pimp will make her get used to being in public places, not just to show off the goods for sale in order to nab potential customers, but to take away any ounce of self-esteem the girl may have had in order to control her. These girls/women, if alone, will usually be very quiet. They are sent in to do a task and then leave. In the instance of the woman I saw this morning, her task was to get coffee for her "boyfriend" wearing black lingerie leaving nothing to the imagination. She knows people are watching her but all she can think about is the severe beating she will get if she doesn't do as she's told and return to him.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Perfect Fit!

These days when job hunting, everything is about being a perfect fit more than (or along with) being qualified. I've come to realize a "perfect fit" is someone who goes with the flow without making waves. That's obvious. How to be perfect? No one is perfect, everyone is flawed. I seem perfect to some and imperfect to others. It's all about perception and expectations that we place on ourselves.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Things people say that drive me crazy...

As a black woman certain things drive me nuts. I often wonder if other women have the same experiences.

Recently, I was going over one of my projects with a friend of a friend. They were impressed. The first words out of his mouth...How did YOU come up with that? I immediately felt I had to defend myself by reminding him that I am indeed educated and know the ways of the world. I smiled and contained myself. I told him, "those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. And, I didn't drink the kool-aid." He looked at me with such a puzzled look. I simply told him to Google it.

At Starbucks this morning, a white woman brings her little kids in and the place is virtually empty, WHY does she make her kids sit next to me? This happens all of the time. It's as if I'm an instant nanny to watch her kids as she stands in line. So I got up and walked away. If looks could kill, she was like, how dare you leave my children unattended!!!

Recently I went walking with a black male friend of mine who is married to a white woman. We hadn't seen each other in a few years but kept in touch on facebook. After the "it's nice to finally see you in person," and before the goodbyes, he tells me, I wish I would of met you. You're the type of black woman that I could be with. This mind you has happened a few times where my black male friends feel like they need to defend their choices. I look at him and simply say, your loss.

A recent job interview, the Hispanic interviewer greets me. I sit, we exchange niceties. She looks over my resume and asks if I have a car. I told her yes. The job is in Beverly Hills. So she asked me what are I lived in. I told her, she said "oh I know that area. The rent is high over there." I looked at her and smiled and said, "luckily I bought my house when I did." The next words out of her mouth should of remained in her mind, "Oh, I didn't think blacks could buy houses in that area." It took all the strength I had NOT to blast her with my words. I simply stood up and told her, "I don't think I'd be a good fit here." I walked out.

Another famous pitch meeting with another creative executive..."I read your script and I don't understand the significance of Jim Jones." I asked, do you know who he was? And she said, "Yes, he's a rapper." I wanted to remind her that before the internet there were books.

I got my hair done recently and a woman in the shop walks up to me and asks "how many kids do you have?" I immediately look down to see if my belly fat was bulging out. I told her I have no kids. She walked away. I guess she figured we couldn't relate to each other.

I was talking to a friend and told her that I was watching #RealTimeWithBillMaher and she tells me, "you know he likes black ghetto women." I told her that the current price of tea in China as $.1o. She gave me a confused look. So I asked her what did that have to do with me watching his show? She said, "Oh, well I thought maybe that's why you were watching the show."

I love my life.




Monday, March 7, 2016

The world lost a great guy this weekend!


Richard Del Belso was a great man. He was my angel. Losing someone who believes in you leaves an empty feeling. Until we meet again my friend.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Billions is Brilliant!

I LOVE this show! It's the kind of writing I love and it happens to be the type of lifestyle I have much experience (not as a billionaire...yet). If you're not watching it, start. It's on Showtime.

http://www.sho.com/sho/billions/home


Check it out!!!

Happy Monday!

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Does it really matter anymore?

I refrain from writing what I really feel because I'm that one percent of the population that always gets stabbed in the back, usually by weak insecure people. What should be the happiest years of my life has turned into a sad and somber existence signifying nothing. Could it be my once bright light is finally gone out for good?

Friday, January 8, 2016

The End is Near!!!

I am so excited to be coming to the end of this story. There are so many ways I can end but I cannot decide. It will come to me when the time is write (haha). All I can do it take it one scene at a tine. Happy Friday!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

End of the Script

Writing a pilot is no easy feat. I'm nearing the end with still so many things I need to wrap up or mention in order to keep the reader wanting more. It looks like I will finally get to the end of this script by the end of the week and then...read it, rewrite it, then send it to readers!

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Starting Over

A month ago, I had so much and within a span of two weeks, it's all gone. Really? Someone remind me again, WHY am I here?

Monday, January 4, 2016

A Time for Moving Forward

Today is the first day of a profound freedom I have not had in a while. I am not rushing anywhere or sitting in traffic. I am sitting and writing a backstory scene in my latest script. The nightmares have ceased as well as the heartache and disappointment. It indeed is a new day and the past is gone. I'm looking forward to great things! The sooner I let go of the past, the better.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

The meaning of Insanity...

Every year at this time, people are very predictable...they vow to start a new and suddenly feel the urge to throw out the old. Ironically and like clockwork, in two weeks time those resolutions have faded and they have settled back into their usual habits.

So what will you do this year to change? Change happens whether we want it or not and it is usually for our own good. So what does DRASTIC change mean? I had a drastic change pulling me away from all I knew and felt comfortable with to a place where comfort is uncertain. I've approached this change with optimism and a psychic sense of knowing it is for my own growth and good.

I've had a pretty good life, even with its severe ups and downs. I am a blessing and am meant to be here in this time and space, right now; no matter how much I protest, I know that every event that has happened in my life was indeed supposed to happen for my own growth.

With that, its back to my script.

Welcome 2016!

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Welcome 2016!

Yeah, I noticed. I took a year off from blogging. It, like many others, has been a challenging year. So many people stabbing me in the back lately to the point where it has manifested in my back rendering me unable to walk at times!!! Pain be gone! I am so looking forward to this next chapter in my life. I'm very excited to announce my TWO television pilots #Transmigration and #Trafficked!!!!

More info to come!!!

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