Let the excitement begin!

I don't know about other writers but for me, my inspiration comes at the oddest and sometimes inconvenient times! My latest epiphany came this morning at 4 o'clock. If this were a weekend it would be no problem but because I have a full forty and have to be at work by 9, it made getting up at six and out the door by 630 a little challenging.

Most people know I write in the mornings before work at my local Starbucks. This morning was no different with the exception of "inspiration overload!" I was working on TWO pilots, now with this mornings brilliance, I am now working on THREE! I usually like to finish what I start before starting something else but then I thought about it, I usually read more than one book at a time why not write more than one thing at a time?

I'm super excited! After a relaxingly rough weekend this excitement couldn't have come at a better time! I wonder what 4am tomorrow will offer?

Have an exceedingly exciting day!

Working on a new Pilot...

Although I am still working on my first pilot, I have started developing characters for my second pilot. I like to pride myself with being innovative and a responsible writer. Sure, anyone can write stuff for human consumption; I try to write something that will leave you guessing or make you think. It seems these days, that's what's missing in television and in life period. We don't use our brains enough. Instant gratification is the ticket. Rush to the end to find out who the killer is and maybe learn a bit why the killer killed. Do people really get that lesson or is it the end results their after?

Love at first sight or nothing else?

So I was sort of seeing this guy for the past six months or so and something just wasn't right. He wouldn't fully commit to the relationship. Finally he came clean and simply said "I don't have the same feelings for you that you have for me."

All of us have been there and that led me thinking about relationships. This person was hurt before and if the stars didn't align just right there was no hope. I've seen that when men get hurt the first few times, they tend to hold all future relationships or potential relationships responsible for their past hurts. Women on the other hand seem to be more forgiving. They will let a man cheat on them and still take them back.

Okay, before you all get your feathers ruffled...I'm generalizing and I know that ALL men are not horrible, neither are ALL women desperate.

Does love at first sight have to happen before you acquire feelings for another person? I admit that at first glance, he was nothing I would ever seek out. He's older, damaged, of average intellect and a wide range of things that would normally send me walking on a different path. But then we started handing out, having conversation and laughing together. It turns out his exterior may not have been what I sought, but internally - mentally he was damn near perfect.

I am no prize, but then again, I'm in no contest. I think people should only live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is and not try being psychic and need to know where a relationship is going. You may just be surprised where things can go when you live in the moment.

Questions:

Does love at first sight have to be present in order to have a good relationship?

Should people hold future relationships accountable for their past mistakes?

Does lightning strike in the same place more than once?

Have we moved into the age where just like technology, if you don't get it right off the bat, you give up? what happened to getting/growing to know someone entirely before passing judgement?

Why do men give up so easily?

Why do women keep trying?

Someone once said...

Someone once said to me "I don't look forward to spending time with you..." it's funny how certain life moments stay with you long after the event has passed. When I was a child, I was told that I was ugly yet as an adult many people compliment my beauty.

I've studied human behavior for a very long time. And I know that all words and actions stem from something and are meant to DO something. In my quiet calm moments, past hurts come in to remind me that I am not perfect and to look at my situation at this moment. It's amazing how it focuses on what I don't have or haven't accomplished. Usually, I disregard the old programming, past hurts and find something positive to think about myself in order to stop the recording. Why is it when things are going well or not going bad, old hurts sneak in to ruin the mood?

I am a single black woman who, for all intents and purposes has never experienced love (not in the sense where it is mutual). To some that is shocking since it appears I have many friends. Facebook has created the illusion and delusion of "friends" therefore supposedly raising my own self importance. Ha! Let me clarify, I have love - my wonderful family and until recently, the love I received from my dogs (yes, I still believe dogs are better than people).

Theoretically, I understood the concept of love for someone who is not family or a dog. I understood that it would be a give and take undertaking. Sure, I was capable of sharing whilst in the sandbox as a child but what does it mean to love someone unconditionally and share without expectation (yeah, I know I repeated myself)?

In my quiet moments when my thoughts don't go to past wrongs, I think about how people treat each other. In public, I observe all type of relationships then creatively make up the back story in my mind. I like doing that - it's called the "creative process." I wonder how many times I am right but most of the time never utter a word to anyone.

What do you do to erase the old programming but not lose the lesson?

Stay awesome.

Goodbye 2012

I tried posting this for the past two days but the system was down. Here is what I posted on Facebook.

2012 What a year it was for me. It had it's ups and downs and for me, sadly mostly down but I managed to make it through. Most of you already know I lost my last dog Max in November and I miss him everyday. I lost my friend and hairapist Pamula James last week. We were able to have one last session the Saturday before.

Oliver Bernshausen, my friend and the one guy in the world who understood me and loved me unconditionally died in July.

Thank you Dobie Gillis, Robin Baker and Jim Chadwick for helping me clear out Oliver's house.

Both Oliver and Pam were 44. If knowing both of them has taught me anything about life is to go out and LIVE it! Go after your dreams and take a chance on love.

Some of you know, I did fall in love last year as well. What most of you don't know was it was my very first time! For once I wasn't selfish with my heart. I was willing to learn and grow with another person. Sadly, that ended too. Love doesn't work when the other person doesn't love you back.

Then there's my writing. After working on it for a few years now, I finally thought I was making a name for myself. I got in and pitched my show to a studio. Since I don't really have an agent to get in and follow up and fight for me (while I'm temping to make ends meet), my project was, or rather the title and the theme of my project was taken. I'd like to thank Nancy Hamilton, Nan Diacovo, Chrissy Thompson, Barb Becka, Robin Roccaro Damski and Candace L. Punch for reading my pilot over and over without complaining. I thank them for keeping me motivated when II felt none.

Let's not forget the struggles I had at the beginning of the year. All I can say is being sued...twice is not a pleasant experience. Mind you it wasn't for something I did, it was for something I didn't do. Happily, all of the is behind me and I ended up whole and on top.

Many wonder why I haven't had much to say lately on Facebook, or anywhere else, I figure if you have nothing nice to post, then why post?

My health is good and so is my immediate family. I miss Mary very much. She was always able to talk me "off the bridge" and trust me, last year was a doozie.

My sister, Jelahn Stewart is my best friend in the world. As time passes (I don't want too admit I'm getting older), I find her wisdom, love and laughter to be something I cannot do without. I love you dear sister.

2013 will be a better year for me personally. As Joel would say, "I've come through the fire and all that fire did was burn the binds that kept me from the promise."

This year I would like to make real friends AND to be a real friend to others.