It shouldnt be this hard to stay positive

But it is a struggle everyday! One of the people I'm temping for made me realize that no one really cares about your struggles and she tells me that I shouldn't play into the pity party role. Moi? Pity Party? I'm living reality from day to day. No one wants to hear it. I guess when I pass out at my desk because I haven't eaten, then maybe someone will care? No. Not here. They would take my wallet and leave me for the cleaning crew!

I am struggling trying to keep a roof over my head. My pride and ego died over a year ago with very little hope of a resurrection.

My poor dog Max is doing his best to stay alive. Since his brother Russell died in August, he's gone downhill a little bit. I think his hearing is going a little.

Yesterday, I broke another tooth! I have no insurance and zero money, yet I guess I will figure out how to make it work. I always do.

I'm supposed to attend a party on Friday. It's a great occasion, a baby shower. Here's the thing, the person who ruined my life will be there. Should I:

- Turn the other cheek?
- Beat the crap out of here and run for the hills?
- Confront her and tell what I really think?
- Let it go?
- Run her over with my car (it's a Toyota, I better not)?
- Not go to the celebration?
- Beat the crap out of her?

So many choices, yet beat the crap out of her is the only one that makes me feel better.

What would Jesus do? Beat the crap out of her!!!!

Thanking and Thinking...Success

I am thankful every moment of my life, good or bad. Taking one day out of the year to be "Thankful" seems selfish. It's this time of the year where I hear from family that I hadn't heard from since last year. This is the time of year where people whom I don't really consider friends try to connect with me to make themselves feel better and lastly, it's this time of the year where I mentally go over the past year. This year I lost my stepmother and one of my dogs, Russell. I've had a few friendships end by my choosing. I've made some new friends and even for a brief moment had a crush on a guy.

I'm thankful for everything. I have my health but no medical insurance. That's ok because my doctor will see me without charging. I'm temping but have no permanent job and that too is ok because I meet new people every assignment I take. It also affords me time to write. I've managed to take my life one moment at a time and that's what will make me successful. I know when something negative presents itself, something positive comes to the rescue. I'm learning to turn things around instead of dwelling on the problem, create the solution and move forward.

Have a happy life everyone and live it one moment at a time.

17 hours later...

On November 5th at 5:34pm I received an email stating that I must have my completed pilot in the Fox offices by 5pm on November 9th. Of course I have a ton of specs from other shows and my first pilot had many drafts but nothing I was 100% proud of. I tried to get back to it after allowing life to take over and even asked a friend to partner with me to rewrite it. Somehow work, survival was more important. Now, finally...a deadline! I finally got an invitation, or as Fox calls it a "nomination" to apply for the writer's program for Fox and they only accept original materials.

I said to myself, "I'm the only one to blame if I don't do this. I have let too many other things take precedence and now an opportunity has come and I'm not ready!" That is not me. I am NOT the queen of excuses. I have overcome and accomplished much and I know I have much more to accomplish in this life.

At 10:34am on November 9th, after a total of 17 hours, I finished my pilot! I rewrote the entire pilot from beginning to end. At 1:32pm, my pilot was delivered to the Fox offices.

I did it. I needed that to get me back into doing what I enjoy.

Thank you God.