The End of the Year and What Have I Learned?

What have I learned in 2011?

God

There is a God. There is something bigger than me and it has a unique plan for me. I must be patient and continue to have faith in myself and from time to time in others! :)

March 23, 2011

My step mother Mary died. I miss her so much. I miss our talks and how she would always have the perfect things to say to make me feel better. It's hard to imagine the ones you love have to leave eventually, even though I know everyone dies, somehow you keep believing that loved ones go on forever. Actually they do in our memory. She lived for over 90 years, a few months shy of 91. I think back at all she has seen and accomplished in her lifetime; then look at my life and think, I have a very long way to go!

August 20, 2011

My dog Russell died. He was my heart and I love him dearly to this day until the end of time. Max and Russell came into my life March 22, 1996. Same litter, both reached 90 pounds each. I always had my hands full with them. Russell was the quiet one, the logical one. He was always by my side and Max was on the other. I have tripped over them many times and broken my toe three times trying to avoid stepping on them. Max and I are doing our best to go on without Russell but he will remain in our hearts forever. Max has stopped looking for Russell but I can tell when he's missing him. He will sleep on Russell's side of the bed on the floor.

Friendships

Having same experiences does not a best friend make. In fact, all friendships are unique and should be seen as such, not placing one friendship above another. Each friend contributes something in your life and it's a little silly to name one person the best friend when all friends are apart of your life. There are no best friends, just good ones.

Temping

I know I complain about it but am very grateful to have it. I have met a few good people through the many temp jobs throughout the year. This is why I have so many facebook friends! I will know when the right position comes along, IF it comes along. Until then, I will keep on temping, most importantly keep on writing.


Writing

There are no set amount of rejections before acceptance. You either keep going or you give up. It is not in my DNA to give up. With every rejection I learn something new and I improve or at the very least have a better outlook. Recently my spec script for House was read, and the reader actually enjoyed it. Not only did she get the meaning of the title but she figured out the blood bible reference!

What have I learned? Most of all Patience and Love. I took routine for granted instead of cherishing every routine moment as a single experience, I took for granted that the routine would last forever. Nothing lasts forever.


Happy New Year my THREE readers!!! :)

Things I've learned While Working in the Entertainment Industry

Of course I think of these things while driving so excuse the discombobulation of thought. I've been working in this industry for a long time and of my years I've found these things to be true and remain true to this day:

1. Talent is not needed for success but it helps. It's all about networking and for some of little faith, selling their souls. We have all seen our share of crap hit the big and small screen. How did it get there you ask? A friend/relative of a friend who can make things happen. Do not let this dissuade you from achieving your goals. It will happen you must never give up and you must never use the excuse of "so-and-so is cousins with blah blah so of course they are on staff." While this may be true in some instances, do know that true talent will always have that opportunity. Get out and get to know people. Also be flexible. I've seen many a writer not get staffed because of their preconceived ideas of how a room should be run.

2. Just because people speak to you doesn't mean they're your friend. Choose your friends wisely and always know that everyone has an ulterior motive. In fact, it is much harder to have real friends (people you trust) within the entertainment industry because everyone wants something, everyone. Do not talk about others and do not reveal your most intimate secrets if you are not willing to deal with the consequences. Now, I'm not saying "trust no one" (thank you Chris Carter), what I am saying is be smart when it comes to friends.

3. Young or Old - shortcuts and cheating ALWAYS result in failure. I know some younger folks think that in order to get ahead in this industry you must cut corners and not learn the craft (writing, acting and directing) that their youth and looks guarantee them success. That is absolutely NOT true.

4. It is NOT always best to say what's really on your mind. Not only do you hurt feelings, you hurt your chances. The people you meet today might be the people that come back into your life in a higher position! I may not like a person, but to blast them publicly is just plain stupid. The entertainment industry is unforgiving.

5. Sex, Race, and Size DO have something to do with where you end up. Now, don't take this the wrong way without allowing me to explain. Skinny and white does not equate to intelligent and successful but in this industry it helps. Racism, sexism and ageism is a given everywhere, one MUST be smart about their choices and choose their battles very carefully (did you not read point #4?). Never assume anything. Same sex, same race, same age does not guarantee acceptance. I have experienced more racism from my own race than the stereotypical opposite. I know, I was shocked as well. Always keep that in mind but do NOT allow it to become the excuse for everything.

6. Return the favors that have been bestowed upon you, don't be selfish. I have seen it time and time again where someone takes, takes and takes again only to end up wondering why no one is giving them anything anymore. Be nice to everyone...nice not stupid.

Those six points I find very vital in this industry.

Please feel free to comment or add your own words of wisdom!

The More Things Change...

The more they stay the same for some. Recently I witnessed my own growth. It can be surprising when it happens because you are not expecting it. I was asked the same question but this time I gave a different answer. I gave pause when delivering my answer because at that moment I recognized and embraced the growth and welcomed the change!

The question: "Are you happy?"

My usual answer: I could be if only I...(you can fill in the blank here)

My answer given today: Yes, absolutely!

The person then asked: "Well aren't you still temping and didn't you recently report a nagging toothache on Facebook?"

My response: Sure, I've had a nagging toothache for the past 24 hours but it will subside and the dentist will take care of it when I get insurance. I still have my health and my teeth! I find I am no longer dwelling on what's wrong but embracing what is right. Sure, I'm still temping and proud to have a place to go and get paid for 40 hours a week.

The person was expecting the negative. I no longer live negative, I live moment to moment - I roll with all that comes my way and make the best of it and most importantly LEARN from it.

The person who asked me the question was used to me complaining and therefore join in on my pity party. This time there was no pity only party.

2012 will be another year for me to get it write...literally!

Happy New Year.

Disappointment Comes to Us All...

Well the news finally arrived last night at 7:03, I was not selected for the Fox Writer's program. Last night I guess I was numb to the rejection and even this morning I feel ok yet growing sadder by the minute. What does this mean? It means I still need to temp, I still will be defined by the temp positions I hold, people will think less of me and continue to look down on me and sadly most of all, I don't feel hope right now.

The experience:

I am glad I went for it. I wished I had a strong mentor to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I know I'm a writer but in order to be legit, you've got to be paid as one and well read in this town.

What's next?

I guess I keep writing and I keep temping. I keep playing the role that I am less than everyone else because all I'm good for is answering a phone. It's better than having nothing and I know in my heart it is not what defines me. I just hoped beyond hope. And it's even funnier that I can't even get a permanent job answering phones so I must suck at that too!

Solution...

Never let them get me down and keep writing - there are no other choices.

Merry Christmas!

Why some and Not others

I had a conversation with a former bill collector last night. He had kept my number and we communicated off and on then I didn't hear from him anymore. This guy was awesome. Anyone past due experiences the dreaded bill collector. For the most part they are unfeeling creatures who secretly hate you because you were able to get what they couldn't and now they delight in taking it all away from you!

I'm blessed because I befriended most of my collectors and moved my way out of debt...sort of. Anyway, this guy who was in a similar situation as mine ended up losing his home and then a month later his job. He has been out of work for over a year. To add to his drama, he was diagnosed with severe carpel tunnel and can no longer type! All bill collectors need to be able to type! Luckily he was able to get disability. I told him there are other plans for you!

He was so proud to hear that I am doing better and that he prayed for me! Why him and not me? Through my struggles I have come to understand that things happen for a reason. I went through all that I did to emerge a better person. I look back at the person I used to be and I am ashamed. I told my friend that this is happening to him for a reason and to embrace and learn from it so that you can grow and emerge to be the person God intended you to be. After losing his home, he was able to get into something cheaper and better.

Today, I want everyone to know that prayer works and do not lose the faith. Being down doesn't mean you're out!!

Feeling the need to write something new!

I haven't figured out whether it will be a white paper on crime, a novel or a script but I feel the need to write something new. I also feel the need to learn something new. All I have to do is figure it out!! Have an awesome Monday!

"The only one who likes change is a wet baby." Mark Twain

Embrace change. "A minor adjustment can make a major improvement." -Joel Osteen Be willing to change - change is good, it may not be easy but it is good! - Me :) Finally my life is coming together because I am no longer blinded by hurt, fear and disappointment. I was so caught up in what people have done to me and not focused on what people have done for me. There have been so many instances in my life recently that have forced me to change. No matter how hard I fight it, things that used to work in the past are no longer working. Career - It's on the way. I stopped waiting on others to get their lives in order in order for me to write. The change happened last month when I had no choice but to write my pilot with an extremely tight deadline with no help. I didn't have the luxury of time or another person to bounce ideas off of. That seventeen hour blessing gave me the motivation and the courage to do it on my own. Now I ask God to place the right people on my path to help. Job - Being laid off devastated me. I blamed everyone but myself. I allowed hurt and anger control my life for over five years. As each year passed, things got worse and I couldn't understand why. I thought the way I worked in the past would make things work today. I thought the people I knew were the people I know. Meaning, those in my life then served a purpose at that time. I cannot expect those same people to serve the same purpose. In fact, those same people may hinder my success because of how I used to be and not seeing me how I am now. I have changed and I absolutely LOVE IT. Love - Letting go of what I thought was best for me instead of allowing anyone into my heart, I let no one close to my heart. A month ago I had an awakening. I went on with my day to day and it wasn't until someone pointed it out to me that a guy might be interested. I was doing the same old thing and ignoring what was right in front of me because it wasn't wrapped in the package I was expecting. In my mind I thought of several reasons why HE couldn't be the one for me. I used those excuses and sadly pushed him far away. My eyes are open now and I no longer look at the wrapping but seek out the contents of the package. Friends - Many people are only in our lives for a season. Once that season is over, it's over. Stop expecting things to be the same as when you first met because our lives are not the same and neither are our needs. Many of my former friends will tell you that I am great at letting go and rarely look back. I'm expecting change....today! I am letting go of the old and accepting the new. I recognize when the seasons change. Allow change to happen...today!

The Help, Stereotypes and my Rambling On

Good writers read! I saw the movie "The Help" and usually if the movie is based on a novel I like to read it first then see the movie. This time was different. I put off seeing the movie or reading the book because of what it represents, a time where white folks openly portrayed their hatred (fear) of black people. The book was based in the sixties which wasn't that long ago but the book and the film read as if the time was back when slavery was open and legal. Why I put off reading this book? I am not afraid of anything, especially my past or history. I cringe at the fact people were treated that way based on silly unfounded notions which equate to fear. When I think about the amount of people who lost their lives because of fear (hate) it makes me sick to my stomach. Have things really changed that much? No. Now more excuses can be made for not hiring, loving or liking a person than race. I'm halfway through the book and I continue to compare the maids lives to my own. The difference is all about choice. Back then, the choices were very limited to women of color. Now, there are many but still for very few. I know many very smart black women, myself included who seem to be stuck. While climbing that ladder it seems that independence and confidence have kept us just under the radar, right in the middle of the ladder. We don't want to step down yet we're stuck and somehow have forgotten how to continue to climb up that ladder without losing a sense of self. I try to live my life stereotype-free, and dealing with people on how they treat me as a person. That is not easy to do when everything is defined by sex and race first then if you manage to get your foot in the door the genius is recognized. Race and sex should not be the basis of your decision whether or not to love, hire or befriend a person. I will be glad when I finish this book! I have people of every race who love me for me and that's how it should be. Period.

Keep on writing and keep on reading

Most people know I have a full 40 and writing has not yet surfaced to be my full 40 (that's the goal). I am inspired by Stephen King, like most real writers who suffered one drama after the next bordering on the brink of total failure before they made it to the big time. It has been a ROUGH 4 years and an even ROUGHER year but I'm making it through. So for all those out there with a dream in their heart but feeling like there is no way to make it, before you give up find those in the position where you would like to be and read their stories. Not everyone came from rich and privileged in order to get where they are, nor did they have to be evil and conniving to stay where they are. Never let your dreams die. Use me as an example, I'm still standing and Lord knows I'm still good lookin'! I read and write everyday even if it's my blog post!!!

Conversation with God

Last night I had a conversation with God. Of course he did not answer physically but he did make things a bit clearer for me. Fact, I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time for one reason...experience. This experience will lead to more experiences finally leading toward the ultimate experience (my success). I allow myself to get so angry with setbacks and evil people when I really should look at it a different way. Setbacks are for my purpose (right place, right moment) and the evil people remind me that no one is perfect and I should always keep my guard up (trust no one). Last week I had a great conversation with my friend Candy. I finally realized that all that has happened to me was for my benefit and not my detriment. I have been holding others to impossible standards that I can hardly maintain myself. I've been keeping a closed mind by thinking there is only ONE type of mate for me, as well as only one type of job for me. I will be the first one to admit that I am indeed stubborn but I'm not selfish. For those who have been privy to my heart, although the memory is faint, know that just because I am driven doesn't mean that I'm wicked like so many people I encounter. I've studied and been rewarded for my work on human behavior yet I still haven't figured out why people do what they do, other than they do it just because. Anyway, let's start this week on a good note and I will take my conversation with God last night as a sign of more good to come...always.

Good change...

Really needs to happen soon. Of course because I want it, I have to wait for it even longer. I've realized my mistakes and its time for things to be right.

And the Blessings keep on coming!

It has been a very blessed week. What started out as an "oh no" ended up as a "Thank You God" week. I thanked God for allowing me to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner when I broke a tooth the following Monday. Since my life has taken this turn, I automatically find the good (or the lesson) in everything that happens. It's no secret that I have been caught in the economic down slide. I have learned many things and gained a greater appreciation for everything. I am a different person and by all accounts a better person. Everyday I continue to learn and appreciate everything in my life. So after my tooth broke (which as it turns out, a filling came out). I went to my dentist. They know I have no insurance but because I am upfront and offered to make payments (I'm that way with all creditors and it is truly the best way to be instead of ignoring them), my dentist assessed what had happened to my tooth, told me what to do about it, gave me treatment and didn't charge me a dime! In August, the Monday after Russell died, I had a minor accident in my car. I took it to a body shop and the estimate came back at $500. I told myself that I have a goal and hope to get it fixed by the end of the year. Since then, I have been very involved in my new temp job. In the back of my mind I hoped that I would be able to get it fixed but I knew that it would take a miracle since this temp assignment pays less than my other assignments. I'm grateful to have the work, especially since I've been told by the agency that there is nothing out there! So thankful for working! Anyway, without going into any details...I make a phone call for a friend who happens to work on cars. My call had nothing to do with anything just giving a reference. The next day that friend called me and said, "I saw you driving the other day and noticed the dent in your car, let me fix it." I told him that things are super tight but I could make payments. He said, "This is my gift for you for the phone call you made for me." Needless to say I was shocked beyond belief! The following day he came to my job picked up my car and fixed it! So many blessings happen for me everyday. And everyday I am grateful and thank God. Lesson from this post...be grateful always, no matter what.