Feeling the need to write something new!

I haven't figured out whether it will be a white paper on crime, a novel or a script but I feel the need to write something new. I also feel the need to learn something new. All I have to do is figure it out!! Have an awesome Monday!

"The only one who likes change is a wet baby." Mark Twain

Embrace change. "A minor adjustment can make a major improvement." -Joel Osteen Be willing to change - change is good, it may not be easy but it is good! - Me :) Finally my life is coming together because I am no longer blinded by hurt, fear and disappointment. I was so caught up in what people have done to me and not focused on what people have done for me. There have been so many instances in my life recently that have forced me to change. No matter how hard I fight it, things that used to work in the past are no longer working. Career - It's on the way. I stopped waiting on others to get their lives in order in order for me to write. The change happened last month when I had no choice but to write my pilot with an extremely tight deadline with no help. I didn't have the luxury of time or another person to bounce ideas off of. That seventeen hour blessing gave me the motivation and the courage to do it on my own. Now I ask God to place the right people on my path to help. Job - Being laid off devastated me. I blamed everyone but myself. I allowed hurt and anger control my life for over five years. As each year passed, things got worse and I couldn't understand why. I thought the way I worked in the past would make things work today. I thought the people I knew were the people I know. Meaning, those in my life then served a purpose at that time. I cannot expect those same people to serve the same purpose. In fact, those same people may hinder my success because of how I used to be and not seeing me how I am now. I have changed and I absolutely LOVE IT. Love - Letting go of what I thought was best for me instead of allowing anyone into my heart, I let no one close to my heart. A month ago I had an awakening. I went on with my day to day and it wasn't until someone pointed it out to me that a guy might be interested. I was doing the same old thing and ignoring what was right in front of me because it wasn't wrapped in the package I was expecting. In my mind I thought of several reasons why HE couldn't be the one for me. I used those excuses and sadly pushed him far away. My eyes are open now and I no longer look at the wrapping but seek out the contents of the package. Friends - Many people are only in our lives for a season. Once that season is over, it's over. Stop expecting things to be the same as when you first met because our lives are not the same and neither are our needs. Many of my former friends will tell you that I am great at letting go and rarely look back. I'm expecting change....today! I am letting go of the old and accepting the new. I recognize when the seasons change. Allow change to happen...today!

The Help, Stereotypes and my Rambling On

Good writers read! I saw the movie "The Help" and usually if the movie is based on a novel I like to read it first then see the movie. This time was different. I put off seeing the movie or reading the book because of what it represents, a time where white folks openly portrayed their hatred (fear) of black people. The book was based in the sixties which wasn't that long ago but the book and the film read as if the time was back when slavery was open and legal. Why I put off reading this book? I am not afraid of anything, especially my past or history. I cringe at the fact people were treated that way based on silly unfounded notions which equate to fear. When I think about the amount of people who lost their lives because of fear (hate) it makes me sick to my stomach. Have things really changed that much? No. Now more excuses can be made for not hiring, loving or liking a person than race. I'm halfway through the book and I continue to compare the maids lives to my own. The difference is all about choice. Back then, the choices were very limited to women of color. Now, there are many but still for very few. I know many very smart black women, myself included who seem to be stuck. While climbing that ladder it seems that independence and confidence have kept us just under the radar, right in the middle of the ladder. We don't want to step down yet we're stuck and somehow have forgotten how to continue to climb up that ladder without losing a sense of self. I try to live my life stereotype-free, and dealing with people on how they treat me as a person. That is not easy to do when everything is defined by sex and race first then if you manage to get your foot in the door the genius is recognized. Race and sex should not be the basis of your decision whether or not to love, hire or befriend a person. I will be glad when I finish this book! I have people of every race who love me for me and that's how it should be. Period.

Keep on writing and keep on reading

Most people know I have a full 40 and writing has not yet surfaced to be my full 40 (that's the goal). I am inspired by Stephen King, like most real writers who suffered one drama after the next bordering on the brink of total failure before they made it to the big time. It has been a ROUGH 4 years and an even ROUGHER year but I'm making it through. So for all those out there with a dream in their heart but feeling like there is no way to make it, before you give up find those in the position where you would like to be and read their stories. Not everyone came from rich and privileged in order to get where they are, nor did they have to be evil and conniving to stay where they are. Never let your dreams die. Use me as an example, I'm still standing and Lord knows I'm still good lookin'! I read and write everyday even if it's my blog post!!!

Conversation with God

Last night I had a conversation with God. Of course he did not answer physically but he did make things a bit clearer for me. Fact, I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time for one reason...experience. This experience will lead to more experiences finally leading toward the ultimate experience (my success). I allow myself to get so angry with setbacks and evil people when I really should look at it a different way. Setbacks are for my purpose (right place, right moment) and the evil people remind me that no one is perfect and I should always keep my guard up (trust no one). Last week I had a great conversation with my friend Candy. I finally realized that all that has happened to me was for my benefit and not my detriment. I have been holding others to impossible standards that I can hardly maintain myself. I've been keeping a closed mind by thinking there is only ONE type of mate for me, as well as only one type of job for me. I will be the first one to admit that I am indeed stubborn but I'm not selfish. For those who have been privy to my heart, although the memory is faint, know that just because I am driven doesn't mean that I'm wicked like so many people I encounter. I've studied and been rewarded for my work on human behavior yet I still haven't figured out why people do what they do, other than they do it just because. Anyway, let's start this week on a good note and I will take my conversation with God last night as a sign of more good to come...always.

Good change...

Really needs to happen soon. Of course because I want it, I have to wait for it even longer. I've realized my mistakes and its time for things to be right.

And the Blessings keep on coming!

It has been a very blessed week. What started out as an "oh no" ended up as a "Thank You God" week. I thanked God for allowing me to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner when I broke a tooth the following Monday. Since my life has taken this turn, I automatically find the good (or the lesson) in everything that happens. It's no secret that I have been caught in the economic down slide. I have learned many things and gained a greater appreciation for everything. I am a different person and by all accounts a better person. Everyday I continue to learn and appreciate everything in my life. So after my tooth broke (which as it turns out, a filling came out). I went to my dentist. They know I have no insurance but because I am upfront and offered to make payments (I'm that way with all creditors and it is truly the best way to be instead of ignoring them), my dentist assessed what had happened to my tooth, told me what to do about it, gave me treatment and didn't charge me a dime! In August, the Monday after Russell died, I had a minor accident in my car. I took it to a body shop and the estimate came back at $500. I told myself that I have a goal and hope to get it fixed by the end of the year. Since then, I have been very involved in my new temp job. In the back of my mind I hoped that I would be able to get it fixed but I knew that it would take a miracle since this temp assignment pays less than my other assignments. I'm grateful to have the work, especially since I've been told by the agency that there is nothing out there! So thankful for working! Anyway, without going into any details...I make a phone call for a friend who happens to work on cars. My call had nothing to do with anything just giving a reference. The next day that friend called me and said, "I saw you driving the other day and noticed the dent in your car, let me fix it." I told him that things are super tight but I could make payments. He said, "This is my gift for you for the phone call you made for me." Needless to say I was shocked beyond belief! The following day he came to my job picked up my car and fixed it! So many blessings happen for me everyday. And everyday I am grateful and thank God. Lesson from this post...be grateful always, no matter what.