Thursday, July 27, 2017

Girls Trip, a Reminder of What Never Was

I saw the movie last night and I loved it, yet it left me sad.  Sure it was funny.  I loved the cast, the jokes, and even the location.

 So why so sad?

I don't have close friendships like that.  I went to, at that time a predominately white college (Arizona State University) and the few black folks there were very standoffish and mean.  I was born and raised in Chicago.  I grew up with all types of people living on the south side in Hyde Park.  I had several friends and quite a few black girlfriends.

Once I went to college, everything changed.  I learned to be alone.  The few black men there were all into white women.  I struggled to find myself, so I put everything I had into school and making money.  I had five jobs in school.  I was in debt because I spent money in the hopes that would attract the friendships I lacked.  Many of the women I was around all came from rich families.  For the most part they ended up at ASU because their grades, nor their parent's money would get them anywhere else.  I tried to keep up with them.

I joined the black student union.  I attended one meeting.  Not one person spoke to me.  I even tried to join the only black sorority (at the time they weren't housed on campus or sorority row - hence all white school, all white rules.) and I didn't have a car.  I walked around moving from clique to clique waiting for a chance to connect.  That connection never came.

I was a swimmer.  I was the only black swimmer on the ASU team (male and female).  I only hung out with the athletes including the football players.  I endured the endless jokes from the coach about me getting a tan, watermelon and fried chicken.  I was young and alone, so I laughed them off and went on my way.  After a year, the loneliness and the jokes took its toll on me and I quit.  My grades slipped and I became more and more detached from any resemblance of community.  The black men hated me and the white men only wanted to sleep with me.

I graduated and moved to Los Angeles hoping to find friendships like I had in Chicago.  Here I am twenty years later and I still don't have those friendships.  I gave up years ago.  I find comfort in being an individual yet I get angry at myself for not trying harder to trust and allow people in my closed world.

Maybe a friendship like theirs in the movie could still happen for me.  Somewhere in my being I still have hope.  Lord knows I love to have a good time and laugh.  #FlossyPosse #GirlsTrip

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