Relationships Rant

Lately I've been thinking about relationships. Maybe it's because I'm doing more research. I'm currently reading a book called "The Johns: Sex for sale and the men who buy it." This is off the heels of a book I finished called "Girls Like Us." I'm doing research on my novel and both television pilots.

Anyway, reading all of what's going on under our noses (for those who are not in the life) got me to thinking about relationships in general. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs state we all have five basic needs, one of them is love/belonging (friendship, family, and sexual intimacy).

A friend asked me last week, what happened to me that I am so unwilling to allow love to happen? Of course, I think to myself, does something always have to happen by opting for a life of solitude? Without getting into the entire conversation, the end result was me outright refusing to allow myself to fall again. My thinking: I tried it, I put myself out there. It didn't work. I move forward. The experience was such that, I'm not really “wanting” to put myself out there again, not for a while. In fact, I'm still processing the experience since it was totally unexpected! I have more important things to accomplish in my life than to want a guy to like me, right?

In a conversation with a guy last night, who seems to be smitten by the fact I am not in a relationship and was fine with it, I realized Maslow was right in his assessment of basic needs. This guy believed lack of communication was the reason for his relationship breakdown. Yet, through all of this, he still found the time to hit on me wanting to start something new. His not so subtle hints of sex and relationships didn’t fool or motivate me to investigate further. The conversation ended with the ball in my court to contact him if we want to be friends.

Then I see women, like this morning with such low self-esteem wearing skin-tight, low cut and short dress ( temp at that on a new assignment) with red high heels in a legal department seeking attention (or maybe she likes dressing that way - I don't want to seem envious, I've got my own hotness going on). Maybe she REALLY needs a job? Or maybe she didn’t get to do laundry this weekend and all the clothes she had left were her party clothes? I think to myself, was I ever like that? Not really. I have a healthy awareness of self that I am happy with me. Of course I grew up in a house of love. I never felt the need to impress someone, relationship-wise that is.

Watching #FirstComesLove last night (a documentary featured on HBO) made me see yet another side to relationships. For the first time I was able to see what many men complain about in women. Nina Davenport's overwhelming need to be accepted by her father was very annoying. On one hand you see this seemingly strong and determined woman setting out to have a child on her on. And on the other, you see her vying for her father's acceptance and affection. At one point I thought, forget it! The man is set in his ways and forcing him to accept/approve/love you at this stage will do no good. You've now brought in a new life into the world and your full attention should be on this baby. Teach him to love and show him the love you feel you're lacking from your father. Then there is the "I want a baby and want everyone else to help me raise it" attitude. I think it's wonderful that women want to have a child but at the same time, look at your situation. Can you afford a child? Are you prepared to raise a child alone? Nina assumed everyone, including the father (even though she told him he wasn't responsible for the child in any way), was Gung-ho about helping her beyond the birth. She was seriously disappointed when her friends backed off and left her. Even the boyfriend, who seemed to want to be in their life and was somewhat cool with the child ended up leaving, Yep, there was much we didn't see. Of course this was about a single woman having a baby and not about relationships, right?

Have I really become that hardened? Do I really think relationships are so simple? Why are women so desperate to be defined by a man? Or a baby? Was Maslow right? Relationships are complicated no matter how simple you may want them to be. There is always some underlying stuff that eventually surfaces.

I better get another dog.