Someone once said...

Someone once said to me "I don't look forward to spending time with you..." it's funny how certain life moments stay with you long after the event has passed. When I was a child, I was told that I was ugly yet as an adult many people compliment my beauty.

I've studied human behavior for a very long time. And I know that all words and actions stem from something and are meant to DO something. In my quiet calm moments, past hurts come in to remind me that I am not perfect and to look at my situation at this moment. It's amazing how it focuses on what I don't have or haven't accomplished. Usually, I disregard the old programming, past hurts and find something positive to think about myself in order to stop the recording. Why is it when things are going well or not going bad, old hurts sneak in to ruin the mood?

I am a single black woman who, for all intents and purposes has never experienced love (not in the sense where it is mutual). To some that is shocking since it appears I have many friends. Facebook has created the illusion and delusion of "friends" therefore supposedly raising my own self importance. Ha! Let me clarify, I have love - my wonderful family and until recently, the love I received from my dogs (yes, I still believe dogs are better than people).

Theoretically, I understood the concept of love for someone who is not family or a dog. I understood that it would be a give and take undertaking. Sure, I was capable of sharing whilst in the sandbox as a child but what does it mean to love someone unconditionally and share without expectation (yeah, I know I repeated myself)?

In my quiet moments when my thoughts don't go to past wrongs, I think about how people treat each other. In public, I observe all type of relationships then creatively make up the back story in my mind. I like doing that - it's called the "creative process." I wonder how many times I am right but most of the time never utter a word to anyone.

What do you do to erase the old programming but not lose the lesson?

Stay awesome.