Last Day of 2010...good bye and good riddance

Thank you to those of you who are my real friends who have prayed for my mom. Collective prayer and good thoughts has pulled her through and with God's guidance will bring her into 2011! These past few weeks have been extremely hard, with little sleep and swollen eyes. It's amazing when the tears begin to flow when you're trying not to think about all of your troubles. Keep the prayers comin' and thank you.


Happy New Year everyone!!!

The Moments

I cherish the mornings where I don't wake up in a panic about the lack of money.
I cherish the moments when I get to speak to my step mother Mary, even though right now she is going through such a difficult time.
I cherish the moments when Max wakes me up in the morning because he feels its time for me to wake up and feed him.
I cherish the moments when Russell sits by my side while I write my blog and drink my coffee.
I cherish the moments where I can catch up with my friends lives on facebook and sending them an encouraging message.
I cherish the times where the creative juices are flowing and I actually introduce the pen to paper.
I cherish worry-free moments.
I cherish my family.

Have a great day filled with moments.

It's Christmas yet...

I'm stressed out! It has been a stressful week. My step mother Mary took a fall a couple of weeks ago. Then my sister is out of the country, so it has fallen on me to do what I can from afar. Talk about stress. I am always amazed when people in the service industry hate their jobs! My step mother is a wonderful person and deserves the best. I was on the phone most of the day with the nurse trying to get a doctor in to see her. It wasn't until I asked the nurse if it were her mother wouldn't she want me to do all I could to make sure she was comfortable. She called the doctor and they gave her pain medication! Now she is feeling much better than she had been in two days.

I have been trying to find a way to relax all week and so far nothing is working. I'm mentally tired and really sick of lazy people!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Chameleon

That is the name of my episode. It came to me the other morning around 3. I love it when the creative wave comes, I just have to accept it and write down as much as I can. I also began writing the opening scene, even though I'm in research mode. This is a very exciting time for me. I love writing and it makes it better when pieces fit into place.

So tomorrow is Christmas. Fear not, I will not be all alone. A gracious soul has taken pity upon my pathetically struggling state and she's actually my best friend so it's all good. I woke up in a panic this morning worried about money. I work harder than what I'm paid which is a switch from most temps who get paid and do nothing! I pray the new year will be full of blessings and an end to this struggle. I made the mistake of buying food and gas in the same week and now can't pay a bill. It's absolutely crazy. And don't get me started on the rising gas prices!!!!

The close friends I have have been keeping my spirits up and keeping me from giving up. One friend told me the other day that I've come too far to just walk away and where would I walk away to? Good question and one I cannot answer. I must admit those chosen few who are real friends have really stepped up. I only pray I can return their kindness in someway.

I must admit, I'm proud of my own strength and persistence. I pray it continues!

Merry Christmas everyone and have a Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Fringe...Writer I am becoming...

I love this show because it has more than one layer. That's the type of writer I aspire to be. I love twists and turns ultimately leading to some profound and universal meaning of life. I like to make people enjoy expanding their minds. A person asked me why I put so much work (research) into my writing that will "never" be read? I responded that by cheating myself and taking shortcuts catches up to you; and what's the satisfaction in that? Sure anyone can get as far as I've gotten with my writing, but it's the sustaining that speaks volumes. I'm building my volumes.

All ya need is Love?

Sadly, I don't know. Unless love encompasses the following:
Unconditional friendship
Compromise
Respect (equality)
The mortgage
Food
Children
Space
Forgiveness
Trust
The list could go on and when I look at why I'm single, I realize that no man has come into my life who has all this and more. To be fair, I know I don't have all of these qualities or things. What's dangerous to me is that I came close to loving someone this deeply and it ended leaving me empty inside. Now I've come up with "the list" in hopes of finding all I seek only to realize that even with a complete list it still doesn't bring me complete happiness.

Okay, burning the list! Now I'm going after happiness and those who make me feel that way all of the time!!

Wish me luck.

Happy Friday!

Friends, how many of us have them...?

Thinking back...of all the people I know who are married, not one has ever invited me to their wedding. I'm researching a short story on friendships. Of the reported 526 facebook friends I have, only 3 have ever invited me to their homes. Acquaintances is a better word and friend should be cherished always. Interesting.

When I posted that on my FB page, I received many responses. One person thought it was just the climate here in Los Angeles (admittedly the people are quite full of themselves at times - they are ruthless trying to get their fifteen minutes of fame) but I actually quashed that popular semi-true rumor with the fact that everyone makes the choice to be a friend or an acquaintance and often mistake one for the other. Meeting someone at a networking event does not qualify one for the BFF position. You must realize off the bat that this person wants something from you. This town is filled with pretentious climbers who will say and do anything to get what they want. This town has allowed idiots to become millionaires who stop at nothing to maintain their fifteen minutes by stepping on the dreams of others. When it is all said and done, all of us have very few people we can really say have our backs. To me, that's just sad. How far do we have to fall before we realize it's friends that will see us through the good and bad times?

In conclusion, it's not necessarily a Los Angeles thing, it boils down to a human thing. How many people do you call friends? I'm proud to announce, I have more than one.

Are you a friend or an acquaintance? As long as you know your standing, you will never be disappointed.

Oatmeal and what not...

As of late I've been eating oatmeal in the morning with sunflower seeds and cranberries with almonds. The mix gives me such a happy feeling, a satisfied feeling, an "every thing's gonna be alright" feeling.

I've made it through a rough week. Being a very good temp for very little money is not easy. My reputation is always on the line no matter the amount of money paid. People pay me to do a job, I happen to do the job well then move on. Many offices are toxic. There is always some type of drama going on. The beauty of being a temp is that you can make the choice to get wrapped up in the daily drama or do your job and go home. I always choose the latter. I have a much bigger goal in sight. I create drama, I don't live it. I love writing. Writing is like oatmeal with nuts...a perfect combination for my body and soul.

Happy Sunday everyone!!

So Funny...

It appears I've become the type of person that drives me nuts...a needy complainer! Admittedly things have been very tough for me, everyday is a challenge yet I persevere. The main reason I write in the heat of the moment is because I don't ever want to forget how tough things got for me and remember these times when things finally begin to get better for me. I don't write my thoughts for people to feel sorry for me, I'm not insecure hence there isn't any insane need to have people tell me how sorry they are for me. I write to remember and learn. It is my hope to improve with every writing. As I come out of this physical and mental economic depression, I can see things clearer now. I will still write about how disappointed I am in people. Not all of course, but the few that seem to cross my path.

So it looks like I am NOT becoming the insecure, needy, jerk, complainer after all.

Whew!