Happiness and...

why doesn't it last? With all I've been through, you would think happiness could last longer than a few moments. I now understand the saying, "enjoy it while it lasts!"

So, I know its been a while. What have I been up to?

I am no longer in a relationship and back to single. I've tried to figure out the reason for such a short and now seemingly waste of emotion and time. The reason has yet to reveal itself. I'd rather have no relationship than to deal with the wrong person. Now I look back at the experience with bitterness and not willing to try again.

I'm still writing but without representation, I feel empty and without hope. Yet, I still continue to write. I think now writing is a quiet comfort never to be seen.

I'm still temping and happy to be working.

My dog Max is on his last leg and I will have to put him down soon. A new level of loneliness on the horizon.

Generally, I try to find the happiness in every moment but usually that happiness quickly fades.

Looking forward to my next happy moment.

Responsibility Break & Love...what is it?

Have you ever had one of those days where you would like to NOT be responsible for anything (of course, that is if you are of the rare few who actually do take responsibility for their actions)?

Well, today is that day for me. No matter how hard I try not to be in control or take charge - I now realize responsibility is part of my DNA. I do know I must step back from situations and let them unfold as they may. I'm really not in control, merely going through the motions...right?


And then there's love. I can honestly say, I have never been "in love." Sure I've been "in like" or "infatuated" but not really what the movies dictate as "in love." Can someone explain it to me as if I were a two year old - what does being "in love" feel like?

Many have told me Love is overrated. Some had told me it doesn't exist and it's merely a word. Few have told me that it absolutely is like it is in the movies and more.

I've asked a few of my friends who are mated, "did you know he/she was the one when you first met?" If I were to do the math, I'd say 75% absolutely knew, 20% didn't know and that 5% said it was just gas.

Relationship

I'm finally in one and it exceeds my expectations. Who knew? I'm learning how to trust, share, and play nice.

The Long Short Summer is Over!

Okay, I know I haven't posted in a bit but read me out first. As you all know the summer began with my pilot pitch to THAT TV studio. I completed my FRINGE spec, show ready but BAD ROBOT won't look at it (yep, I think it's the perfect ending but hey, who am I to think those things?) Then Oliver died. Then THAT TV studio took over my pilot idea and gave it to an overall dealer. Then I met a guy (no, not that FAMILY GUY) and we've been dating ever since. The good news is that I have yet to get up to sing KARAOKE.

And how was your summer?

Writers Write but we also Read!

Of course this is obvious. A funny thing happened the other day at the office (Starbucks). I was reading over a few articles I gathered from the internet trying to get ideas for my next television show. When I'm in the zone, I'm oblivious to those around me. I was reading "Two Approaches to Parsing the Heterogeneity of Psychopathy."

The line was pretty long, so much so that it was at my table and I didn't realize a guy was watching me read. I looked up and there he was. He gave me a look and I gave him the half-smile "I know who you are" look. The man turned pale, turned around, left the line and walked out of the store!

Smile.

The Value of Saying "I Love You" Often!

Family and friends should be told this often. Recently, I lost my friend Oliver. It was sudden. The last time I saw Oliver was June 2nd. We started our weekend morning breakfast ritual meetings again. We had a rift and did not speak to each other for a year. We got in touch with each other in May and things were almost back to normal. We had planned to meet two weeks later but it was to never happen.

Oliver and I had a friendship that was close and unique. From the moment we met in 2004, we knew we had something special. Twin souls together again. There were times we would just sit with each other and not say a word. This made us happy. We thought alike and were very much alike. We were not the type people who craved attention and constant contact from the outside world. We are both very private people and often times we would not let many people get too close. That's who we were and why our relationship worked - we trusted and loved each other...only.

Every girlfriend he had always got the same speech about me and if they couldn't handle it, they were gone. I thought it was hilarious but it was a sign of respect for her and deep love for me. Our families knew about each other but we were never able to get everyone together. My stepmother Mary told me before she died last year..."call Oliver." I finally heard her words a year later and it wasn't too late. Thank you for that Mary.

I am so happy the last time we spoke I hugged him and told him "I love you." He, and many folks have a hard time saying those three words - so they will say "love you." That isn't the same thing to me. When you add "I" then I know you mean it. Oliver, as usual said - "I know."

Say "I love you" to those you truly love often. Whether they say it back or not, just say it and know they know your feelings.

And Oliver, now that you're on the other side looking down, can you please find my mate?! I love you Oliver Bernshausen!

The Comedy of my Life Lately

I haven't forgotten about you. I've just been enjoying my freedom for a moment. It's actually nice to not have to rush somewhere. I can actually write something and not be interrupted with time.

Max and I are hanging in. We had a bit of a scare a couple of weeks ago but Max seems to be on the mend. Watching him grow older is a painful process. I cherish every moment I have with him. We've been together since the day he was born - sixteen years ago. I know that soon I will have to make that decision. He will let me know when he's ready.

Other news - I've started dating again. I feel like I need to go back to not dating again! Guys are a trip these days. I went out with an older guy - 50. I went in with no expectations. The goal was to meet a new friend. He happened to be a celebrity. Which if you don't know - dating celebrated people is slightly different than dating your average guy. We met at the restaurant. I wore a cute sundress. He hugged me and then it happened. My bra strap snapped! Okay, so my friends already know that as of late I've been having epic bra failure for the past few months. You don't want that to happen on a first date! Luckily I had a wrap and ended up wearing that for the entire date.

For the first half of the date it was all about how beautiful I was (strike one) and how old I am. He couldn't get over the fact that I was not 27 (I'm thinking this is what he's used to dating). He'll just have to deal with me being 30. Let's just say, I was happy to get out into the dating world again but I've got a long way to go.

Wine, wine and wine. I went out to lunch with a girlfriend last week. We went to a sushi bar. Most people know I have a two glass limit (if it's cheap wine - then one glass limit). I am an extreme lightweight - I just don't drink much and when I do, watch out. After two glasses I get really sick. Well, the wine kept coming and I kept on drinking. After three glasses, I had to call it quits. This was on a Friday afternoon. I was sick the entire weekend.

Starbucks adventure #501 - everyone knows this is one of my favorite places to write and as of late I've been trying to find different ones where I'm not known (less interruptions). Well I found one in LA. I walk in get my coffee and have a seat. Well, I'm wearing my Hulk t-shirt with my Wonder Woman chucks. A guy sits next to me and I swear he wouldn't stop staring at me. So, me being me, I say - "Hi." He says "So are you one of those women who I wouldn't like when they get angry?" I laugh because I thought it was a Hulk reference. He's not laughing. I say, "I don't get angry, I get even." The guy gets up and goes to the other end of the coffee shop. What did I say?