Sometimes...

It is not meant for us to understand things for a while. My issue is that I try to solve the problem, unravel the mystery, and try to figure out why I go through certain trials and tribulations; or why I keep repeating past mistakes expecting different outcomes. I've decided to forgo the search for a best friend as they simply don't exist. People come in and out of our lives for a purpose and that is for our souls advancement, nothing more. I have experienced more betrayals than I wanted this year from poor choices and giving undeserved and sometime desperate chances to people whose intentions were never genuine.

Friends vs. the Economy

Friends are people we meet along this road of life. And just like a dirt or paved road you encounter rocks, trash and all other things that seem to impede your journey. That can be good or bad but either way it serves a purpose to help us get to the next mile; hopefully wiser and faster and learn to avoid the rocks and trash that line the roads. You can either push it to the side or pick it up. There too is another choice. Once you pick it up do you clean it off and find a gem or do you throw it back and keep on steppin'? I've learned there are no perfect people but perfect situations. And in all situations there are choices - the ones we see and the ones we don't. I have tried to live my life as honestly as possible. I have opened my heart and at times bared my soul to those whom I thought I could trust; any like most of us, have gotten burned in the process. So TODAY, as I travel on this road of life, I will forgive and let go of those people whom I've named as friends; the ones who have taken jobs away from me, held back important information that has severely impacted my day to day living, told vicious lies in order to get ahead, stood in my spotlight and claimed it as their own, and lastly threw me under the bus when they felt a more suitable person came into their lives. Is it the economy that is allowing me to see people as they really are? Or have I been blinded to it all along just to say I have a friend? What is the good in forgiving and letting go, you ask? It is for my own peace of mind and growth. Letting go....gone.

Finding my Joy Again...

Life after Russell. I am feeling better but still missing my dog. I give Max even more love hoping to ease any hurt or loss that he may feel. These days I smile more thinking about my Russell jumping, playing, chasing squirrels and chewing things again. He was the best dog and friend anyone could have (he and Max of course).

I'm feeling happy because my writing partner and I are finally working things out and preparing to pitch the show.

Good things are coming. Wait, they are already here....I just can't see them yet!

Smile.

Loss

Any kind of loss is hard. This year seems to have been my year for great loss. I've been dealing with it by taking it one day at a time and appreciating the time I had with those I've lost. My dog Russell was an angel. There is not a human alive, that I've met who can match the amount of love and compassion that dog has given me unconditionally.

There in Dr. Jimerson's quiet room, I held my Russell. I thanked him for all the years he gave me and all the lessons I've learned. In his last moments, right before the final injection, I said "give momma some sugar" and he kissed me twice on my right cheek, as a tear escaped and in complete silence he went to sleep in my arms. I miss my baby boy so much that sometimes it actually hurts. Even now as I write this, the tears flow like a raging river. Russell taught me how to be patient and giving because that's how he was. He never stressed about anything. He always let Max go nuts over something while he sat on the side lines waiting for him to finish. He always knew that there would be enough food, kisses and love so there was never any need to beat Max to the finish line.

My Russell taught me how to be observant with a purpose and to listen with my heart. He taught me to only take what I need and share whats left. He taught me how to love no matter how the person treats me. Learn the lesson, heal the wound and reopen your heart. When the boys were little they would fight like crazy but by the end of the day after feeding, they were never far from each other AND they never fell asleep without one another beside the other.

I miss you Russell. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy and thank you for teaching me some of life's lessons.

My Heart is Broken, My Russell is Gone.

This is the first time I've ever had to put a dog to sleep. My dogs and I have bonded in the 15+ years we've been together. Dogs truly are your best friends. Russell has moved on and a tremendous weight has been lifted leaving an empty peace (a peace not yet defined) in my heart. The tears I have shed equal the size of the largest ocean. The love I have for my dogs is greater than any that I could give to a man.

So how does one get over the loss of a dear pet? One day at a time.

Rest in Peace my Russell, mommy loves you -

March 22, 1996 to August 20, 2011.

Another Day...

Life is funny, people are funny. Things are changing and accountability is in the air. Wow...

Okay, I haven't been blogging...

What a summer! No, don't get excited nothing major has happened nor have I fallen in love or sold a television show...YET! Honestly, I've just been dealing with life. My boys (dogs) are old and the past few weeks have made me realize that they are not going to physically be with me forever. Russell chewed a hole through his tale in June and I've been playing "vet" since then (I've perfected maggot removal). Saturday I'm taking him to officially set the vet, hoping something can be done to help him live longer. Cross your fingers and pray please.

My family is AWESOME and I love them.

I'm still temping and very grateful...yep, it's still hard to get work out there. All the shows are staffed, they completed staffing at the end of May. Fortunately I do have something to look forward to...PITCH SEASON!!! It officially starts in the next couple of weeks. I've signed on my writing partner to help me revamp my pilot. It turns out I'm really great at writing GORE! Who knew? So she is going to help me to NOT keep it SO REAL!!!

I promise to blog more...not everyday like Miss 26, as I have to work my way up to that celebrity status. I'm sure once I do, I will have more than three followers!!