Dark Soul

All of my life I believed I was a good person and giving soul.  A series of recent life lessons I should have learned from in the past have returned.  Apparently, I didn't learn the lessons.  It's not bad luck.  It's just the reality of not learning the lessons. The foundation of my soul was built  on tragedies and challenges of my past. Now that foundation is cracking as my soul seeks comfort, love and forgiveness from self.

"I do not feel calm when we are together."  How can that be when all I feel is only love when we are together?  At least that's the goal.   I feel the daggers of disgust jabbing at me, trying to break to my spirit.  Do I keep on fighting or give up? I no longer have the answers.

I thought if I were thin enough or pretty enough, someone would care enough to love and accept me entirely. Only to find, it is me who needs to accept that love is not forthcoming.

I take pictures of myself,  to see if other could see the hurt I'm feeling in my heart.  The reality is that I  see me.