Getting Through This!!!!

When I tell you I am going through it, believe me – I AM GOING THROUGH IT! I have faith I will get through this because faith is ALL I HAVE. Temp jobs have all but stopped. This is the first year in my entire life where I have not been working as much. I have gone through every emotion, experienced many losses and found out who my friends really are. Amazingly, I have more than one…I have TWO! I am lucky.

This morning I cried like a baby. Mary had to go into a nursing facility last night and I, her step daughter could do nothing to help. Without income, I cannot fly to Chicago to help the person who has helped raise me in her time of need. I broke down on the phone with the mortgage company when they asked why I didn’t make a payment… I prefaced my response with – “this has been the worst year of my life. A good friend died, my credit was ruined, people with their own fears and insecurities have made my life a living hell (think WB Tech Ops!), my family thinks I’m a loser, and the friendships I thought I had do not exist. In the span of a year, I have lost almost everything that has taken many years to gain. And now that my family needs me, I cannot be there to help. As soon as I get a job, you will never have to call me again.” End of conversation. I wonder if he shed a tear. By the end of the phone call he told me that he would do all in his power to help me get through this (wow and that was a BofA rep).

I invited an old boss to the lot I was working on yesterday. It was great seeing him. I was so embarrassed that in all of these years (five), I have not grown career-wise. I was so ashamed about that and the fact I had no money to buy lunch. Thanks for allowing me to eat off of your plate!

Being unemployed and relying on people to take a vacation or get sick in order to work is not the living for me. I hate it but it is all I have right now. Why Boston University dumped me, I will never know. This is not the life for me and I have to change it, and that time to change is now. I don’t know how, but I do know I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!! When my time comes to leave this Earth, do know I will not go defeated!!!

My next blog post will be GOOD NEWS!!!